The Boy I am

5 - Family

Breath in... And out. As many times as needed.

It is, after all, an efficient way to ease your mind. Ever since he saw all that an hour ago, Ashe felt a bit shaken inside, and even if he managed to greet his father when he got home, he still felt off. Jayden was currently cooking the meal they will share this evening, and so he had to appear as normal as possible.

He wondered, "Why am I reacting like that to something I just learned? Am I stupid? Over-dramatic? Just like every time he asks himself this kind of question, he doesn't have any answer, and he will never get one. Such is the life of an overthinker.

Let's talk about Ashe's dad for a bit. Marvin Spencer is a famous lawyer, thanks to years of practice and thanks to his degree from the most prestigious law school in the United States. These days, however, he has managed to find the opportunity to teach law at a nearby university as a side job. He knows plenty of people, which certainly helped, otherwise he would have never moved so far away from his previous work.

Most people would expect a stern and cold man, but he is actually a really nice guy, even more so to his family. For obvious reasons, he is way more than just cold when he works as a lawyer-, so cold that a blizzard would be put to shame. Neither Ashe nor Jayden ever saw him at work, but according to some people he knows, thanks to his work, Marvin's voice captivates and makes him appear rather imposing. With the fact that he is a perfectionist, a hard worker, and with his flawless knowledge of law... He is certainly an excellent lawyer.

"Dinner's ready!"

"Coming!"

Ashe jumped right out of his bed, heading to the dining room. His father was already seated at the table, joined shortly after by both his sons. Although this little family is quite wealthy, that doesn't push them to overdo it when it comes to meals. Tonight's dish is simply spaghetti bolognese, with minced meat for added flavor.

"So, I forgot to ask, how was the school today?"

"We did... nothing. Same for Ashe." 

"And the school itself, how is it?"

"Way too big!"

Both of them said the same thing at the same time. They were right.

"From what I know, the students mostly hail from wealthy families. While I am not worried about Ashe... Jayden, however... "

He glanced at the brunette with a slight smile. He was poking fun at him while being right at the same time. It is true that his first son always struggled with grades. At some point, Marvin found himself forced to become stricter with Jayden since his grades really became worrying. Ever since, he has been trying as much as he can. The lawyer knows that his oldest son feels ashamed that his little brother is better than him, and so that is one of the reasons why their relationship is strained. As much as he tried, he still doesn't know how to ease things up between his sons.

"Yea, no need to talk about that! I'll try to do better this year."

"Well, that is good to hear."

"I said that I would try, not that I would succeed!"

"There are no issues with that, as long as the attempt is noticeable."

"That almost sounds threatening, uh."

"Perhaps it is the case..."

He smiled, of course he was joking. Also, he is talkative, especially during dinners. He is not with his sons as much as he wants, so he wants to spend some quality time with them.

"As for you, Ashe, you didn't talk much?"

Marvin is the only one who never misgendered Ashe, not even by mistake, and never used his deadname since he realized he was transgender. He is also adamant about the fact that Ashe is his son, not a daughter, and does not accept any kind of transphobia coming from any member of the family.

"Uh... I don't have many things to say... "

"Have you met anyone?"

"Two other guys! Arie and Willow. I wouldn't say we're friends, but... So far, so good."

"One of the other professors at the university talked about her son, a boy named Arie..."

"Oh?"

"She said she was proud of him, and that he wanted to join the soccer team, just like Jayden. As for the other boy, Willow, I actually met his mother a few days ago. She came to ask me if we were the new neighbors."

"That's a pretty big coincidence, uh."

"Guess I'll be on the soccer team with him then. Hey, Ashe, is he tall? Or just special in any way?"

"His height seems pretty average. Why are you asking that?"

"No reasons at all."

"I suppose that he just wants to be sure if he will be the tallest there is. Besides, his height may give him an advantage."

"The tall privilege..."

"Jealous?"

Ashe looked at his brother, jaded. Marvin, however, slightly frowned. Jayden sighed after seeing how his father looked at him.

"I did not mean like that-..."

"Nah, it's fine. As long as you don't use me as your armrest, that is."

"Now that's tempting."

After a while, they finally finished dinner, and so Ash went back to his room, where he left his phone. Eirin added him to a group for their class, which was already a bit too active... Which was reason enough to mute it. However, after joining this group, Ashe felt obligated to check on his account if there were any information about his gender identity, whether it is any comment, or any picture. Fortunately, there was nothing at all.

His mother was the only one who kept pictures of Ashe, and she had the habit of taking more without him noticing. However, now that she is no longer here, he does not feel strong enough to get rid of these pictures of who he was before cutting his hair, before his top surgery, before starting the hormones... That doesn't mean that he wants to see them again.

Marvin agreed to hide all the pictures of Ashe as a kid. This man is lax, and has been even more so since the death of his wife. He holds his family dearly, and that is precisely the reason for his excessive kindness, all he wants is to avoid conflict.

Ashe is secretive, he does not like to talk, and he does not intend to speak of his secret to anyone. Unless of course he meets anyone trustworthy, aside from Eirin. Another reason to feel guilty, since he has known her since he started HRT... Maybe she should know? But how is she going to react?  What if she tells everyone? A shiver ran down his spine as he thought about the possibility that his only friend may be transphobic. That thought always crosses his mind whenever he makes friend with anyone who don't know. Socializing... What a terrifying word.