BLOSSOMS IN THE SPOLIGHT | HEESEUNG

20: Hiding His Feelings

Heeseung hadn’t meant to keep his feelings hidden, but the moment he let his heart get involved, everything became more complicated. He’d always been confident in most areas of his life, but when it came to Jia, every shred of that confidence seemed to evaporate. Despite the growing intensity of his emotions, he couldn't bring himself to confess how he truly felt. It was easier to keep his feelings locked away than risk the chance of losing her, or worse, watching her slip into someone else’s life.

Weeks had passed since that night at Jia’s flower shop when Heeseung had almost told her the truth. He’d stood there, right in front of her, ready to spill his heart out. But the words never made it past his lips. Instead, he’d chickened out at the last second, brushing off the weight of his confession with some excuse about needing to head home. Jia had smiled and waved him off, none the wiser to the storm brewing inside him.

Since then, Heeseung had become an expert at pretending nothing had changed between them. But it wasn’t easy. Every time he saw her, every time they shared a laugh or a fleeting touch, his feelings clawed at him, begging to be acknowledged. Yet, he kept pushing them down, terrified of what might happen if he gave in.

The rest of the group had started to notice something was off. Heeseung wasn’t his usual self—at least not around Jia. He was quieter, more reserved. He’d started to withdraw during group hangouts, positioning himself just far enough from her that he wouldn’t have to deal with the temptation of being too close. The light-hearted teasing they’d shared in the past was now replaced with strained conversations and awkward silences that only he seemed to notice.

One evening, after a long day of rehearsals, the group decided to hang out at the dorm for dinner. Jia had been invited, of course—she always was these days, having become an unofficial part of the family. She arrived with her usual cheerful energy, bringing snacks and brightening the room the moment she stepped in.

“Jia, you’re a lifesaver!” Jake exclaimed as he dove for the snacks she’d laid out on the table. The rest of the boys laughed and joined in, eagerly grabbing their share of the food.

Heeseung, however, hung back, offering a weak smile before busying himself in the kitchen. He could feel Jia’s presence like a gravitational pull, but he couldn’t bring himself to be around her for too long. Not tonight. The more he tried to distance himself, the harder it became to pretend everything was fine.

Sunghoon, ever perceptive, seemed to catch on quickly. As Heeseung stood by the stove, pretending to be interested in helping with the ramen, Sunghoon sidled up next to him, his voice low.

“What’s going on with you?” Sunghoon asked, keeping his tone casual but laced with concern.

Heeseung didn’t look up from the pot. “What do you mean?”

Sunghoon crossed his arms, leaning against the counter. “You’ve been acting weird around Jia. I thought you were going to tell her how you felt?”

Heeseung’s grip tightened around the spoon he was holding. He hadn’t told anyone about that night, but somehow, Sunghoon had figured it out. Heeseung sighed, glancing briefly over at the rest of the group. Jia was laughing at something Ni-ki had said, her eyes sparkling with that easy warmth that always made his chest tighten.

“I was going to,” Heeseung admitted quietly. “But I couldn’t do it.”

Sunghoon frowned. “Why not? You like her, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Heeseung said, his voice barely audible. “But what if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I ruin everything by saying something? It’s easier to just keep it to myself.”

Sunghoon shook his head, his gaze sympathetic but firm. “You’re only making it harder on yourself by hiding it. And besides, have you even thought about how she feels?”

Heeseung winced at that. He hadn’t. Not really. He’d been so wrapped up in his own fears and insecurities that he hadn’t even considered the possibility that Jia might have feelings for him too. But even if she did, was he ready to handle it? Could he really take that leap and risk everything they had?

Before he could respond, Jia called out from the living room. “Heeseung! Are you coming to eat or what?”

Heeseung forced a smile, masking the turmoil inside. “Yeah, be right there.”

As the night wore on, Heeseung did his best to keep up appearances, joining in the conversations and laughing at the right moments. But all the while, his mind was racing. He couldn’t help but notice the way Jia interacted with the others, especially Sunghoon. They had always been close, and lately, that closeness seemed to be growing. Heeseung’s chest tightened every time he saw them talking, his jealousy flaring up even though he had no right to feel that way.

After dinner, Jia lingered for a bit, chatting with the boys as they cleaned up. Heeseung tried to avoid her, but she made her way over to him, her expression soft and concerned.

“Heeseung, are you okay? You’ve been kind of distant lately,” she said, her voice gentle.

Heeseung swallowed, forcing himself to meet her gaze. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess.”

Jia frowned, clearly not convinced. “You sure? You’ve seemed… different. I miss hanging out with you.”

Her words cut deeper than he expected. Heeseung wanted nothing more than to tell her the truth, to explain why he’d been pulling away. But the fear held him back. Instead, he nodded, offering a weak smile.

“I’m fine, really. We’ll hang out soon, I promise.”

Jia studied him for a moment longer, then smiled softly, seemingly satisfied for now. “Okay. Just don’t be a stranger, alright?”

Heeseung nodded again, but the guilt gnawed at him. He hated lying to her, hated pretending everything was fine when, in reality, he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. As she turned to leave, Heeseung felt a pang of regret. Maybe Sunghoon was right. Maybe hiding his feelings was only making things worse.

That night, as he lay in bed, Heeseung’s thoughts raced. He replayed every moment he’d spent with Jia over the past few weeks, every conversation, every laugh, every touch. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how deeply he’d fallen for her. It wasn’t just a crush—it was something more, something real. And the longer he kept it to himself, the more it ate away at him.

But even with that realization, Heeseung couldn’t bring himself to act on it. The fear of rejection, of losing Jia as a friend, loomed too large in his mind. So, for now, he would continue to hide his feelings, burying them beneath the surface and pretending everything was fine.

But deep down, Heeseung knew that this facade couldn’t last forever. One day, he would have to face his feelings head-on. And when that day came, he could only hope that the risk would be worth it.