Dear M,
When you told me you loved me, I wish I had said it back. But I thought I was just another girl to you. I thought that if I played hard to get, you'd stay, that you'd see my worth and love me for who I truly was. But the less I said, the more it hurt. We stopped talking towards the end of my second semester, and now, as I near the end of my third, I can't seem to forget you. Sometimes I wonder, had I said those words, would things have been different? Would you have loved me for what was inside, for my heart? Or was I just another girl to you - vulnerable, easy to manipulate?
You spoke the words, but did you mean them? Or was it all a mask to pull me in? I spoke of you to my friends, and they told me things I never wanted to believe. Were you just pretending, using a false charm to get what you wanted? I wonder if you ever meant anything at all.
The thought of you disgusts me, yet I can't bear the thought of losing you. Every day without you feels heavy; my heart doesn't beat the same. My eyes don't light up. There's nothing to look forward to, nobody to look forward to.
I needed clarity, or at least a sincere apology, and you gave me nothing. And still, I love you. I wonder every day: Did you ever love me too?
You said you'd hold my hand forever, but where were you when I cried countless tears, waiting for you to return? Hoping, foolishly, that someday you might try to make it right, just as you promised. My hand was left alone, aching for your touch, but you never came to quench my desire for you, and now i have to settle with just the memories of you.
