you asked me to confess once, and i never reciprocated. I could never put it in words how much you meant to me cause i was afraid it would mean nothing to you. I was afraid that after i express how i felt, you would lose interest. I was afraid of telling you that i loved you, cus i was afraid love was just a four letter word for you, you said it so soon and i couldnt. I've been carrying this inside for so long, unsure of how to say it, scared of what would happen if I did. But now that you're gone, I realize just how much space you took up in my heart:
I love you, M.
I love you so much it aches in every corner of my heart.
I crave you.
I want you.
I desire you.
The first time we met was on my birthday, i didnt think of it much and i thought you would be just another guy for me, but this feeling was shortlived and everytime we met, everytime we talked, i fell for you harder.
I want to feel your eyes on me when i look away.
I want to intertwine my fingers with yours and feel the warmth of your skin on me.
I want to kiss you so passionately until my lips turn blue.
I want you to embrace me. Hold me tightly. Even if it hurts, even if you're not sincere with it.
I love your eyes and the way they used to see right through me. Your lips. Your laugh. Your voice.
I love your playful nature. The way we used to joke about anything and everything.
I love the eye contact we used to have even when we weren't next to eachother, It was so refreshing to know that you were just there at the same place as me and that our eyes locked.
I still remember the way your eyes met mine across the cs corridor after our first fight, when i realized just how much you meant to me, and in that split second, it felt like the whole world disappeared. Those moments were everything to me, but I was too scared to admit it.
I can't get you out of my system, M,
You are the hurt that pains me and you are the medicine. You keep me from dying, but you won't let me live.
Hurt me, Break my heart, Shatter it into pieces but please, dont walk away from me. Please be here. with me. please dont fall in love with someone else.
