TRIGGER
(thoughts about killing yourself)
I want to die.
I really do.
I just don't have this hope (or whatever it is) anymore. Normally, I always looked to the future and saw my life getting better, but now... looking into the future actually just makes it worse.
I don't think I can handle change, even if it's good.
I don't think I should be living alone.
I will isolate myself — I know it.
And if I do that, I WILL DO IT.
I don't want to, but I will.
How can I ever tell someone this?
I don't want to explain it.
But I am afraid.
I've never felt like this.
I know it's not good, And I WANT IT GONE.
I want to enjoy things again. I want to be able to lie in my bed without thinking about how I don't want to live anymore.
I want to be excited for the future, even just for the next day.
Why can't I do that anymore?!
It feels like just a week ago, I was still able to do that.
I am just so afraid that I will actually do it.
It feels like there is something inside me, pushing darkness through me.
Right now, I am still here, but I am not sure I will be forever, or for how long.
I am so afraid of what will happen once it gets the upper hand.
It feels like I can't even do anything against it.
YOU ARE READING
Feeling that don't have a word
General FictionWords aren't enough and they never fit but still they are the only way we can truly express ourselves. But finding words that fit our inner feelings is hard, so this is me trying to do exactly that. These are texts I write when my thoughts get too...
