Every time I think about the day, or the day tomorrow I start to analyse it.
Seeing either everything that happened and how I did it wrong, or what could happen and how I could do it wrong.
As soon as I am then actually in a situation I will have already analyse it many times in my head.
I will have made out a perfect plan in my head, for how I am supposed to act and what I am supposed to say.
I will have studied every word I will want to say, only to then panic when someone does something I did not think of.
After that everything goes down hill.
I will speak without thinking ans since I did not plan my words they will be wrong.
I did not get the chance to truly think about it (analyse it).
Though I do after. For hours, the rest of the day, multiple days or even years later I will be analysing ever word said, action made and not only by me but also by everyone present.
I don't like analysing.
It makes me feel unsure and really sad, as if I can never do anything right.
As if I am permanent standing on a small stick over a big edge and every time I start to analyse something the chance to fall over gets bigger.
I get caught up in it - in my thoughts - and it has gotten to a point where it is really hard to stop or at least distract myself.
I keep telling myself to stop.
I even tried to forbidding it, but I can't stop.
I want to.
I just can't and it's annoying, because now it just makes me freak out, over things that aren't even that big, but feel that way.
I don't want that.
I want to be ok with the decisions I make, but I don't know how.
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Feeling that don't have a word
Ficción GeneralWords aren't enough and they never fit but still they are the only way we can truly express ourselves. But finding words that fit our inner feelings is hard, so this is me trying to do exactly that. These are texts I write when my thoughts get too...
