through the silence

party nights

The national team camp came to an end with two wins — a solid 3-0 against Austria and a hard-fought, rather lucky 2-1 victory over France. I had started in both matches, and while I was happy with the results, something felt off the whole time. I couldn't help it — Jill was constantly on my mind. Every time I was alone, my thoughts drifted to her. It was like no matter how hard I tried to focus on the game, on my teammates, or even just on having a good time, she was always there, lingering in the back of my mind.

My finger hovered over the keyboard more times than I could count, debating whether to send the message or not. Maybe I should've sent her a message, trying to clear the air. But every time I thought about hitting "send," I stopped. I couldn't do it. I don't even know why. Maybe it would be better if I faced her in person, or maybe — just maybe — I should try to forget her entirely.

Today was the day we were all heading back to our clubs. As always, saying goodbye to my teammates was bittersweet. It wasn't just the victories that made this camp special; it was the sense of unity we had. We had become even closer, sharing everything from laughs to intense moments on the field. It was hard to let go of that, even temporarily.

I hugged each teammate goodbye, talking and laughing with them one last time before we all went our separate ways. The last group I needed to say goodbye to was Klara, Bibi, and Laura. Normally, Klara would leave with Syd and me when we were still at Bayern, so it felt strange not to be heading back together.

Klara came up to me with her usual bright smile, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. "Feels weird, huh?" she said, pulling back slightly to look at me.

"Yeah, it does," I agreed. "I'm used to you coming back with us. It's like... part of the routine."

She grinned. "Well, we can't break traditions completely. I'm sure we'll all meet up soon anyway."

"We better," I laughed, stepping back to hug Bibi.

Bibi was already halfway through packing her stuff but stopped long enough to pull me into a warm hug. "We should plan something, outside of the national team," she suggested. "Life's too short to wait for the next camp."

Syd, who was standing next to me, immediately jumped in. "Why don't you guys come to London? We'll have some days off soon. You can stay with us, and we'll show you around. Do the whole tourist thing."

Klara's eyes lit up. "London? I've never been! That sounds amazing. Count me in."

Bibi nodded enthusiastically. "Definitely. I could use a change of scenery."

Laura, always the pragmatic one, smiled but added her own bit of realism. "That actually sounds like a great idea. Let's just make sure we coordinate our schedules. We'll make it happen."

We stood there for a few more minutes, laughing and chatting about the idea of all of them coming to London. It was nice to have something to look forward to, but the moment of departure still stung. Eventually, it was time for the final round of goodbyes. I hugged them all tightly, lingering a little longer with Laura. When she pulled me in for one last hug, she leaned close and whispered into my ear, "Keep me updated with Jill, okay? Call me whenever you need me."

I whispered back, "Thank you," my voice low but filled with appreciation. Laura had been a constant source of support for me through everything, always knowing when I needed her. I didn't need to say it, but I was beyond grateful for her.

After the final hugs and goodbyes, Syd and I headed off to the airport to catch our flight back to London. The trip was quick, mostly because I slept through most of it. I was mentally exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster that was camp — the highs of winning, the lows of still feeling unresolved about Jill. Once we landed, Syd offered to drop me off at my place, and I gratefully accepted. I thanked her for driving me home but also for being my rock throughout everything, and she just gave me one of her trademark smiles that said, "I've got your back, always."