Chapter 20 - A New Era

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CARE's POV

What does it mean to feel like we're not enough?

It's a corrosive feeling that never truly leaves the heart. We know it's not true, and most days logic helps keep it at bay, but there are moments when it always resurfaces. It feels like a shadow, persistent and invisible, settling deep within the soul.

It's as though, no matter what we do, we'll never be good enough. And that doubt seeps into every area of our lives.

If I disappeared, would anyone miss me? Maybe my brother, but he'd eventually get busy with his own things and move on. Kate? Probably. We're best friends, but she'd find someone funnier to spend time with. And Zayn? I think I stopped mattering to him a long time ago. As for Harry and Niall... we've known each other for such a short time. They've lived twenty-odd years without me, they'd certainly live many more.

Am I important in anyone's life? I don't think so. People leave deep marks on my life so easily, but in theirs, I feel completely disposable.

Do I have any particular talents? Not really. I'm average at a lot of things, an expert at none.

Am I proud of my personality? Not exactly. I talk too much when I shouldn't and hold back when I should speak up. I'm that person who starts telling a story, but before I can finish, someone interrupts and changes the subject. I'm the one who makes a joke no one gets. I'm the one who's interested in things no one else cares about. Who wants to know that Queen Victoria carried around a plaster cast of Prince Albert's hand after he died?

Feeling like we're not enough is like being alone in a crowded room. It's feeling empty in the middle of a hug. It's smiling at a compliment while a voice in your head tells you it's not true. It's believing you don't belong anywhere.

It's something I've been battling my entire life. Sometimes, I win; other times, I don't. But there's one thing I know: I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough. It's time to change. I need to get better, for myself. Because if I'm not at peace with who I am, I'll never be at peace with the world.

— Today's the day. — Kate's voice breaks through my thoughts. She's buzzing with excitement, spreading make-up all over the room. I roll my eyes.

— You're more excited about this than I am. — My heart tightens with a bit of apprehension. I'm about to make a big change, and I'm scared I won't like it.

— We've got so much to do, my God! We should've started yesterday! — I laugh at her panic. It's as if she's about to pull off the makeover of the year. She shoots me a deadly look, and I raise my hands in surrender.

— We did start yesterday, with the hair.— I smile, glancing at the mirror. I didn't do anything drastic, just some waves and a balayage, but I already feel a huge difference.

— So, how are things with Zayn? — My smile fades instantly.

— We barely talk. — I throw myself onto the bed, grab a pillow, and cover my face with it. — He hasn't spoken to me since yesterday. Supposedly, I'm the one who should be upset, but... I miss him. I miss the way he used to push things. It feels like he's given up, and I should be glad he has, but... Ugh, it's so strange! It's driving me mad!

— But what happened? He kept trying to talk to you, and then suddenly, he stopped. Something must've happened. — I sigh and shrug.

— I don't know. He's been like this ever since he saw me kissing Harry. — I glance at Kate, who widens her eyes, and I quickly cover my ears, already anticipating what's coming next.

— Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

— Keep it down, Kate. — I roll my eyes, but she jumps on top of me. — Get off, you nutter.

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