Hoping for the Best

Prologue

Prologue

They always say that bad things eventually pass away, that good times are near, I don't believe that. Ever since I was a young girl, luck just wasn't on my side.

I remember the first time I discovered this, I was about 7 years old, sitting on bed finishing my homework when I heard shouting, it was my parents. Little did I know that the shouting would lead to fighting, which eventually lead to a divorce.
I remember sitting there at the dining table while my parents tried to find a way to tell me, without making it seem like it would change our lives and a way to make me understand.
They said it was a "mutual decision", that they both felt like they weren't in love with each other anymore.
I honestly was relieved, it meant I wouldn't have to endure hours of the shouting and fighting everyday, it meant I was free.
I do have to admit there was a little part of me hoping that they would  suck it up and maybe go to couples therapy or anything that could help them get back on track, but that never happened.
When the divorce was finally finalized, it was decided I would stay in my moms custody. Me and my mom ended up staying in our hometown San Diego, California and my dad ended up moving somewhere in Oregon.

I thought that was the end of my bad luck, but I was certainly wrong. When I was 9 years old I found out my dad had cancer, it was the most difficult time in my life. They said he had lung cancer, even though he has never had any problems with them before.
At the beginning they said it wasn't serious, but he should start treatment right away since there was a big chance it would go away, it did. I was happy for a while until I was told by my dad that it had come back, after my 11th birthday party.
I remember thinking that maybe it would be just like last time, that it would go away, but I was wrong. They said it had become way to serious this time and that the treatment wasn't helping, it was just make things worse. We found out a couple days later that his survival time was reduced to only 2 months, I remember thinking to myself "why do all the good people end up getting hurt the most?" It was a question I found myself asking a lot when I was growing up, it seemed that we were having such a horrible time.

I wish I could've said  that I had spent all my free time with my dad, but in reality I didn't. There was no way it could be possible for me, my dad was getting treated in Oregon, while me and my mom were in California. Our lives where in California my mom had work and I had school, my mom said there was no point in us leaving, I would miss too much school and there was no way she was going to be able to leave work with such short notice. My dad understood this and was okay with it, he told me "that there was no point in leaving, he would always be there with me, it didn't matter in what form."

He died 1 month later, they said they tried everything they could to save him, but the case became to complicated. I remember his funeral, they had planned it near our home since it would be easier for u. I was sitting in the front row bedside my mom, people were making speeches. They had asked me before hand to make one, but I had declined. It seemed to difficult to talk about my father and all the good memories I had with him it made his death seem so real. After my mom had made the final speech, they started burying him, I found it difficult to stay there and look at them burying his grave, I felt like I would be alone now.

After those incidents, I started to keep to myself, didn't really talk to anyone besides my mom, had no friends. My mom thought I was suffering through depression and sent me to therapy, it didn't change anything. I was fine, that's what they said. They told my mom that it had hit my hard, I had already lost so much, that I ended up  putting a hard wall around me, so no one could get past me, know the real me.

So here I am, at the age of 16 still with that problem. I hadn't made any friends, I always kept that guard up, I had mastered it along the years. It wasn't easy at first, but eventually it got better. My mom had finally understood why I was like the way I am today, she said I had been through so much pain, that I needed a way to help me protect myself from anything. She told me that it would soon pass away, that I would at least open up to one person, it didn't matter who it would be. She told me "all anyone can do, is hope for the better."

Authors note

Here it is, my first chapter!!! I think it was a success, let me know in the comments below I'd it was any good or if there is any thing I should add or change. I probably won't update till Saturday since Eid is tomorrow, so be patient with me. I will try my bet to update soon though, so wait for it!

Love, Emaan