Own You

Epilogue

"So, it's been a few weeks since our last session. How have you been feeling?" Elliot says.

Elliot is a good guy; we have a unique situation. By unique, I mean he's my therapist. When I got to Russia, I fell into some troubling habits. I was drinking and drugging more than I ever did on...that island. Coke, weed, alcohol of every kind, the list goes on. I did nothing like meth or crack, but I was seriously out there. I had more freedom than I knew what to do with. My men...my lovers tried to be supportive and not be overbearing.

But one of those nights I partied too hard and almost drowned in my vomit, ironic I know. I killed Emilio and set it up to look a certain way, the same way I almost died from actually being too drunk. On top of everything else, the nightmares of Antonio coming back to hurt me were in full swing when we left the island. For only the first few nights, did I sleep peacefully. I don't feel bad for getting him killed, but I do fear he isn't really gone.

Something eating away at the back of my mind and paranoia keeps me feeling like I will be back under his heal sooner rather than later. Everything in me feels like he's still alive. I don't know why the Don's would leave him alive, but the thought haunts me every day. I stare out the window of Elliot's office and sigh in annoyance. No matter how many times I come here, the thoughts don't leave me; they persist and intensify as the days wane on.

"I'm ok...I guess. I haven't been drinking anything but wine once a night with dinner. And I only smoke weed, like I used to...before...all of this. I'd say I have improved enough not to need these silly sessions anymore," I reiterate to him my dislike of therapy.

"Mya, you can't be so obtuse to this. We both know you need this help. What you went through...most people could only ever imagine the bare minimum of it. Torture, sexual trauma...the things you had to do to escape. I know your situation is unique, to say the least. Borya is a long-time friend, so I know enough. I can swear anything you tell me is confidential, past what a normal therapist can agree to. Mya, you are doing a bit better, but you will need therapy for a long time to come if you ever want a hope of getting better," Elliot says plainly and with a bit of desperation in his voice.

I know he genuinely cares about my well-being; he isn't interested in me sexually since he's gay. So, I know he doesn't have any ulterior motives. But he can't afford to get swallowed up into my world, confidentiality aside. My story isn't one for the weak or morally upright. I did a lot to survive those bastards. The only thing keeping me smiling every now and again is my kids, my lovers, and the thought of Jamal and Jaden being tortured for what they did to me.

"I'm not obtuse, Doc. I just know this will always haunt me. Only the thought of when I took my revenge keeps me warm at night."

Don Giordano sent me photos of Antonio, as well as Jamal and Jaden. I was thankful to him, and he sent a brief flirty message back saying that doing anything for me would be a pleasure. I know he wants me and hopefully I won't ever have to give myself to him. He is a fine man for his age, but no one will force me into anything ever again. After a few months of punishment, I personally visited Jamal and Jaden on the island and had some fun of my own.

Those thoughts warm my soul in the dead of night when I can't sleep. It's been ten years since I left that place. My kids are getting old enough to leave the nest. It's still crazy to think I am only in my mid-thirties, but I sometimes feel as old as Don Giordano or Griselda. I even had a child with DJ. Caleb was fine not having kids; he knew I had been through a lot so he got a vasectomy. I told him I was happy to carry his kid, but he insisted I enjoy the rest of my twenties without being pregnant. Likewise, Borya didn't ask to have any other children.

Borya was happy with his baby girl, who was now a teenager with big ideas in her head. She wants to get into the business under her father and I. Andre is already learning the ropes under me and Jamal. I never wanted any of them in the business, but my kids have ideas of their own. They're becoming their own people, true individuals with plans for their futures. With so many kids and so many personalities, I can't always deal with them.it doesn't help that Andre is almost a spitting image of Jamal now.