Just Him&I: In a Universe of Cruelty

Part 5

— Are you okay? — I said, pursing my lips into a thin line.He blinked several times and then finally focused his gaze on me.His eyes seemed clouded, and his gaze was unstable.As if then,
when he was nullified.
I didn't interrupt, still expecting an answer to my question.

— I..yes..everything's fine — he said haltingly, and his eyes were darting around the room.I knelt down so we were on the same level.

— Tell me the truth! — I said firmly but not too loudly.I really wanted to know the reason, I don't think he was scared of anything.After the hydra, unlikely.

— I had a nightmare — he said it so quietly that I barely caught the meaning of the sentence.

— What?

— I was the Winter Soldier again — he finally lifted his head towards me.
He's been having nightmares for a long time.That's why he looks so exhausted.

— When did this start? — I really wanted to help him somehow, because I felt some guilt here.It was done by my...
You understand, I can't say it, the words just won't come.I felt such sorrow and empathy that it's hard to express.I was pulling at my shirt out of nerves and now I looked like it was me who had a nightmare.He hesitated with the answer, maybe recalling when it started — or just didn't want to say, so he was stalling.

— Since I escaped from... — these words were too hard for him.He nervously licked his lips and looked at me.As if I had to finish his sentence.

— I understand, you don't have to continue.So why are you sleeping on the floor?I was just going to say that I can make the couch for myself, I don't feel comfortable in front of you. — I rambled without even lifting my eyes.

— I'm used to sleeping on the floor.In the bed it's too soft, it feels like you're about to sink. — he confidently answered my question and seemed glad that I changed the topic.Though it still reminded him of his army days and the hydra, but it's better — probably.I don't know!

— Let's maybe watch TV, I also don't really want to sleep. — eventually, I looked up at him.The dim light fell on his body, I got lost in thought for a moment, then snapped out of it and looked away.I felt awkward.
I've never spoken to boys in this format.I haven't really spoken to boys in any format at all.So I didn't really know how to behave, especially with him sitting here almost naked.I never even thought about relationships in principle.
In my head, it was only training and studying, but I hope everything is still ahead.Or maybe not.
I had seen him twice like this, but now he was too close.It seemed like I could feel his breath on my face.

— I'll go make myself some tea.Would you like some? — I finally asked, nervously scanning the objects around the room and it seems I made a hole in my shirt.

— No thanks! — I quickly got up and went to the kitchen.My phone pinged with a message.

"Good evening, Maria!
We are happy to inform you that we have reviewed your resume.Please meet us tomorrow at the cafe 'Rendezvous' at 9:00 a.m.
Have a good evening!"

My phone almost slipped from my hands, I was so happy.Because I didn't expect anyone to respond.I had no experience in any job, so expecting someone to answer was beyond my comprehension.
I made myself mint and lemon tea and went to the living room where James was.
The hot cup burned my fingers and I felt some warmth and fluttering inside.Maybe because I'm no longer hiding, and it was very comfortable with Barnes.In general, he's a very good person, but he shuts himself off from everyone and only shows negative emotions.Maybe he just reacts to the unknown like that and thinks everything is a threat.I'm not sure.
A series in Romanian was playing on TV, some kind of action show.Where in the end the main character wins, as always in principle.If only it were like that in real life.And everyone would live better, but things are not as simple and easy as we'd like.To defeat evil, you have to sacrifice something, sometimes even your life, which they don't show in movies.Let it be, the age rating of these films is 12+ and it's not worth thinking about murders at that age and so on.

I would like to sit carelessly with my parents by the TV and watch some movie while waiting for winter and snow.
Mom would be cooking dinner in the kitchen, humming her favorite song.
I would fall asleep on dad's lap, hugging him, not even waiting for dinner.Unfortunately, I can only dream about that.
The cup was almost empty, and I was getting sleepy.I put it on a stool near the couch and rested my head on my hand.
The small hand of the clock showed 12:45.
It was quite late, and my eyes were closing on their own.Back then I had a routine, so at nine o'clock I was already deep asleep.
I glanced at James with the last of my strength, he looked like he wasn't planning to sleep at all.Watching the changing screen attentively.And only the colors from the TV flickered on his face, different hues.I couldn't understand what he was thinking about, so I just gave in to sleep.
I barely woke up when he was carrying me to the room.I didn't resist and just closed my eyes, inhaling his cologne.
It was nothing like Steve's cologne, with notes of whiskey, tobacco, and something else I can't quite figure out....Oh!I think it was orange, a scent I absolutely loved.
When he laid me down on the bed very carefully and gently.I grabbed his right wrist.His hand was very large, and I felt his warm skin, not like when I asked what happened, back then it was cold.

— Stay with me, please — I blurted out.Damn it, I didn't seem to understand what I was doing.No, I understood, I wanted to feel needed by someone, maybe that's why I'm asking this now.

— Okay, I'll stay here until you fall asleep — he quietly replied to me.As if to wake me up, but I was almost asleep.He sat down quietly on the bed beside me.

— There's space for you here — I still hadn't opened my eyes.Maybe he thought I was delirious, or dreaming, or sleepwalking, or.... No, too many 'or's.
I carefully moved to the other end of the bed, as if showing him his place.He didn't argue with me and obediently lay down without saying anything.I covered myself with the sheet and fell asleep.Not even realizing how embarrassed I would be tomorrow morning.But I didn't care anymore, I was living in the moment and wasn't interested in any tomorrows.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get shot, stabbed, strangled, poisoned — this list can go on until tomorrow, but I don't want to think about it!
I still hadn't accepted the fact that I was already safe, and nothing threatened me anymore.But you can't be sure of that a hundred percent, there has to be some caution and carefulness.
I'll remember this forever!