Just Him&I: In a Universe of Cruelty

Part 24

"For many people, love is a deeply personal and emotional connection that can take many forms. It can be emotional attachment, romantic passion, mutual understanding, support, and the desire to be together. Each person perceives love in a unique way, and its meaning can change over time.
For some, love is associated with the satisfaction of physical and emotional needs; for others, it may symbolize loyalty and devotion. Love can also be meant to create a family, shared goals, and a shared life. In general, love for many is an important aspect of human experience that brings joy, satisfaction, and a deep connection with others.

Scientists believe that love is a complex phenomenon that involves many aspects, from neurobiology to psychology. Studies show that love can affect the brain, causing chemical changes and interacting with various systems. The social and cultural context of love is also studied. However, it remains a complex phenomenon that is difficult to fully unpack in scientific terms."

For me, love means emotional attachment to a person. The feeling of inner peace and absolute trust. You fall in love once and for all, unable to do anything about it. And even if you find a new partner, you will lie your whole life that you don't love him, but it turns out the opposite.

— So I understand — that right now I understand, I'm in love with James like the last fool. That I can't live without him? That I feel like a little child in his arms?

— Yeah, Fury, we'll do it all, — I exhaled tiredly — He went to the store. See you! — The bed was still cold from last night. The adrenaline in my blood had exceeded the norm that evening. It was diluted with 50 grams of strong alcohol, and it turned out the way it did. I would lie if I said I didn't like it. But he didn't make himself known, and that was very strange. We are on a mission, I understand that I crossed the line by giving in to my own feelings.
But this is no reason to punish me with indifference and absence.

A new life, a new job — that's what gave me strength. But now it all had no meaning or importance without him.
The job — to find Ramlow. Now everyone knows him across the states. Everyone is actively searching. But our main task is to find and eliminate. But I can't do anything alone. I need to be the bait with backup, otherwise nothing will work. Ramlow has gone underground, I'll bet ten bucks that he's not succeeding. He can't gather a team, and my blood does absolutely nothing for him, and it won't. If I haven't developed my abilities myself, and don't know how to control them, what can we say about him?

The snow at least gave me a little strength and understanding that I'm not alone in this world. Even if all humanity perishes and I'm left alone on the planet, nature will remind me of itself, you're not alone even if it seems so.
I stood on the same bridge where James and I kissed yesterday. I even looked under the thin layer of snow, at drops of my own blood. It had already dried, washing away with the snow.
My hands were clasped together. A hoodie, like that autumn day, when the serum was still in the abdominal cavity.
I didn't hear the passing cars honking. I didn't feel the cold or the dampness of my clothes. I only listened to the beating of my heart and deep breaths of my lungs. My thoughts were completely clear, my gaze seemed frozen in the frost, and I stood motionless.

— Decided to drown yourself and wonder if it's necessary, — a woman's voice came from behind. And I focused my gaze on her. Natasha stood wrapped in a winter jacket and hat, fiery red hair sticking out of her hat in strands. The corners of her mouth curled up, and my arms instinctively reached out to hug her with all my strength.

— I'm also glad to see you, — she laughed and patted me on the shoulder. Her laugh sounded loudly, exposing her white, even teeth, like a Hollywood actress.
We didn't say anything else until we walked to the nearest roadside café.
We were greeted by a friendly waitress who dazzled us with her smile. In that smile, I recognized Ernest. After looking closely, I realized it was her. But it seemed Ernest didn't recognize me, I had lost weight, I was wearing makeup, and my hair had grown a bit past my shoulders. I covered my head with a hood. I was genuinely happy to see her, even if she didn't recognize me — that's for the best.

"Today is some day of old acquaintances."

I still nervously checked the missed calls, but nothing changed. There was no smile.
Natasha noticed my anxiety. And only when the waitress walked away from our table, leaving hot tea, did she dare to speak.

— Is something bothering you? You can tell me, — I took my cup, the glass pleasantly warmed my fingers, I stared at the tea, thinking about what exactly I should say to her.

— Do you know who I am? — I clenched my fist and furrowed my brows.

— Yeah, I know, and it doesn't change anything. So you're worried about it, — she looked into my eyes with a teasing glance. She did it so sincerely that I saw my reflection in her muddy-green eyes.

— No, the problem isn't that, it's James... — I finally dared to say it, and my heart skipped just at the mention of his name in my presence.

— With him, everything seems fine. But you... — she didn't continue, leaving me embarrassed.

— I don't even know what I feel for him. The thing is, we kissed yesterday. Actually, I kissed him when I was a little tipsy. He drove me to the hotel, — I took a breath, sipping some tea — the problem is not that it was my first kiss, but that I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And I'm worried maybe I shouldn't have done it, and... — she interrupted me, not even letting me finish.

— It happens with him. If you say you don't even know what you feel, then he definitely doesn't. The guy decided to sort out his feelings. That's why he's walking around, he's a closed person, too closed. As for you, I can say, if you kissed, it means you love him. — For a moment, it seemed to me that she spoke of him with warmth in her voice. And a lump of jealousy rose in my throat.

— Did you two date? — I swallowed it and continued staring into my tea.

— No. I just judge him by Steve, they are two absolute opposites. These are just my guesses. But believe me, I'm never wrong — she gave me another wonderful smile and encouragingly patted me on the hand.

— Maybe you're right. Thank you for your help! — I looked out the window. I hadn't even thought about it. But how long will his "wandering" in thought last?
I looked at Natasha again.

"How could such beauty, intellect, strength, and endurance coexist in such a small girl — it's just unreal! Maybe we're not so different, maybe this is just a mask? Or do I no longer believe in something natural and am looking for ulterior motives?"