how you get the girl

four- taylor

"Where are we going?" I ask for what felt like the 50th time since Travis has picked me up.

"It's a surprise Sunflower." It's his answer every single time.

He's has this aura of patience and understanding. He never once had a shift in tone when I would question what he had planned for us, or get annoyed at me if I made small talk. It felt refreshing. Like I could breathe again. 

I feel the breath of fresh air until I remember that twinge in my stomach. The constant reminder of what had happened. It took a toll on me but no one knew. Only Joe and the on-call doctor from that night knew.

Speaking of Joe, he still hasn't messaged me since telling me he was leaving me four nights ago. Between him and the incident the world was feeling heavy and too much.

I still cannot say aloud what had happened so in my head I tiptoe and dance around the subject as a whole. In my head, if I don't say what happened and carry out everything that needs to be done, all is well.

It's easier to block out any sort of thought than to sit with the uneasy feeling. Joe and I were trying to get pregnant  We used to be on top of everything. Tracking my cycle, ovulation, eating a more balanced diet. I even quit alcohol all together. Joe did not. He said he didn't see the point in him not drinking any as well. 

At some point, he started to pull away and drift away from me further and further. I tried to help him open up but he would say he had to go check on set or something. Excuse after excuse. 

Maybe him leaving was what I needed. But then why did I have to lose my baby in the process?

I need to stop thinking about everything that happened earlier this week. I am now on a date with a fan's uncle. It was a sweet gesture and on-brand for my lively hood. Books and writing.

He seemed like a really nice guy, but I can't risk giving my heart away again. I gave it away so many times and it only broke me worse and worse. Mix that with already giving my heart to my baby. I was dancing on thin ice. I just hopes that is going to expect nothing but disappointment from me.

I hear it everywhere. Exboyfriends , interviewers, people online. Maybe they are right. 

"You okay there Sunflower?" I hear, snapping me out of haze.

"Mmm? Sorry." I laugh sadly, playing with my hands and rings in my lap. I can't even see as he put this stupid stupid blindfold.

"Don't be sorry Sunflower." He corrects me, reaching out for my hand. 

I hear the gearshift click and the car is now parked. "We're here."

"Can I take this off?" I ask.

"Not yet. I'll help you out. Don't move." Travis says. I hear his seatbelt click and the door open and slam shut.

"It's not like I can go anywhere." I muttered.

Not too long, I hear my door open and Travis helps unbuckle my seatbelt. 

"Can I grab your hands?"

"Why are you asking?" Confused as ever. 

"So I don't blindside you. You can't see." He stated, grabbing my hands to help me out of his car.

I feel my feet stumble slightly, as I don't have the best balance. "Don't worry Sunflower. I got you." I feel my cheekbones rise and heat spreading from cheek to cheek.

We keep walking slowly. One foot in front of the other. Every couple steps, Travis reminds me that I'm fine.

"Okay Sunflower. We made it." Travis stopped us, helping me take off the blindfold.