The World He Hates
Everything has an end. Our suffering, our existence, our aspirations, and most importantly, our affection, all come to an end. Sometimes, I just want to die. Is the world too harsh, or am I too soft? Do you ever question yourself about why we need the problem to be strong when we can be strong without it? Family, friends, the people around us, and even our loved ones are the ones bringing us down. The pain they are giving, the problems they are making—should we be the ones who need to suffer?
They say family is always right there with us. Family we can run to in the day of our distress. They said families should love each other. No biased. If the family I have now isn't called family, then what are they called?
Have you been left out? It's hard, isn't it? Being alone in this world is hard yet comforting. It's better to be alone than with fake friends. Why do we need to suffer like this while all we want is to be loved? The world was unfair and will never be fair. Friends? There is no such word. In the end, all the people we loved will betray us and continue to betray us. Why do we need to backstab each other? Because you're insecure? For what? All people have their own insecurities; why do you need to focus on your own? You're not alone. Our enemy here is not the world, not humans, but ourselves.
Have you ever heard of a middle-aged child's pain? All we wanted was love and attention. Family means nothing to us because they don't even consider us a part of their family. It's like we're statues at home that they just pass by. No 'hi' from them, no worries from them, and no sacrifices from them. Being a middle child means nothing. Your parents will have their own favorite children. You're always hard-working, but they will never be proud of you.
Siblings? As long as they are the favorites, they think they are always on top. Parents money, parents heritage, and their luxury. They should be the ones looking after you, but it turns out that you're the one looking after them. You had the feeling that you wanted to leave your house, but your conscience was attacking you. They always say that you lived because of them; you're nothing without them; you weren't in this world without them.
Maybe in another universe, I wasn't destroying everything with emotional damage. Being a soft-hearted person wasn't good at all. I used to think, what if I disappeared in this world? Will someone find me? I'm a high school student who was doing everything to live on his own. Family and friends are around me, but they don't seem to exist. I was with them through their hard times, but who was with me during the times that I really wanted to die? I was alone, finding a light to rescue me, waiting for the star to take me, and hoping that somebody would take me to a peaceful place at least.
My family is always pressuring me. My dad always hurts me because I don't have the good grades he wants. My mom wished that I wouldn't be born in this world. Well, that's one of my wishes too. Then my siblings thought that I was an embarrassment to this family. That's why my surname wasn't like theirs. Arden Gryffon, but you can call me Arden Vnusdnor. That's the surname I wish I had for real.
'You should be number one'. That's the phrase that my dad always reminded me of. 'No one will love you if you're not on top.' How ironic, right? I'm always on top, but they never gave me the assurance I wanted. I didn't even receive a peso on them once I turned eight years old. You're right. At the age of eight, I stand alone just to live. There are times that I reach the point where I beg someone on the street to give me food. Why did I do that? Why did I let myself live after all those times?
After all those times, I still want to succeed. To have a child and my own family. A family that I will protect at all costs. A family I will cherish forever.
There was a guy who made me feel loved. He showed me what the true world was. He protected me. He made me his world; I can feel it. He was ready to give up his family for me. He will do anything for me. But the time didn't agree. Am I really entitled to this kind of love and pain? Can't the world be with me just for once? I had enough.
My life had vitality and color because of him since that day, that day that we started to play underneath the rules.
