The Forgotten Celestial (Hazbin hotel AU)

Chapter 9: The Weight of Emotions

**Y/N's POV**

Does he know? I don't know. Damn... I never thought I'd be this scared. This is different-completely different from anything I've ever felt before. As a commander in Heaven, fear was foreign to me. There were no second thoughts, no hesitation. Just following orders, keeping everything in line.

But now... here I am, standing in Hell, hiding from the King himself. **Lucifer.** The weight of his gaze still lingers on my skin like a mark that won't fade. I can't let him see through me. I can't slip.

I take a breath, keeping my face neutral as I stay in the corner of the room. My heart is still pounding, though. It's embarrassing, honestly. I've faced down legions of damned souls, marched into battles against sinners in Hell itself. But standing here, trying to blend in with the likes of Alastor, Charlie, and all the other residents... It's like I'm a completely different person.

No. Not different. Just... new.

That's what it feels like. A whole world of emotions I've never experienced before. In Heaven, there were rules. Strict, unforgiving rules. No emotions, no attachment, no feeling at all. Just cold, calculated duty. We were trained for centuries to be protectors, to uphold order, and to keep ourselves detached from everything we were supposed to defend.

Feelings like joy, sadness, fear-those were for mortals and lesser beings, not for commanders like me. But now? I feel everything. Happiness, fear, even... curiosity. It's as if I'm a newborn child, discovering what it means to be alive for the first time.

Alastor's teasing, his strange way of making me laugh-it's dangerous. Not because I'm afraid of him, but because it reminds me that I can feel something more than just cold duty. And that's not allowed. Not for someone like me.

I shake my head, forcing myself back into the present. **I have a mission.** I need to keep myself low, to be careful. Lucifer is still here, and one slip-just one moment of weakness-and he'll see me for who I really am. He'll sense what I'm hiding. That I'm not one of them.

But it's so hard. Harder than I thought it would be.

The rules I've followed for centuries seem so far away now, like they belong to another world. And the longer I stay here, the more I feel them slipping from my grasp.

I glance across the room at Lucifer, who's now in deep conversation with Charlie. He's watching everything, calculating, analyzing. He doesn't miss a thing. **I can't get caught.** I won't get caught. I'll make sure of it.

But this place... this hotel, these people... they're not what I expected. It's not just chaos or evil. There's more here. More than I was prepared for.

No. I can't let myself think like that. I can't get attached. No attachments. No emotions. That's what I've been taught. That's what I have to remember.

Even though it feels like the hardest thing in the world right now.

I catch Alastor's eye from across the room. He's watching me again, that ever-present grin on his face. He knows something. I can feel it. But whether he knows who I really am or is just playing his usual games... I don't know. Either way, I'll have to be careful with him too.

He's dangerous, but not in the same way as Lucifer. Alastor is unpredictable, charming in a way that makes you forget just how deadly he can be. I can't afford to forget that. Not now. Not ever.

As I stand there, trying to calm my racing heart, I remind myself of my purpose. **The mission comes first.** I need to gather information, stay close enough to the residents of this hotel to learn their secrets but far enough to avoid any real connection.

No attachments. No emotions. Just like it's always been.

But for the first time... I'm not sure I can keep those rules anymore.