Dear Reader,Your words have ripped through me like a wave, crashing with an undeniable force that demanded my attention. I understand that I am the architect of this profound hurt you are feeling, a hurt that I regret ever causing. First, let me state this emphatically: I never intended to inflict this kind of pain. It's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that I've smeared mud on the image you've held of me. It pierces me because I am aware of the trust and faith you placed in me, not imagining that I could possibly betray it. I want you to know that your words - direct, heartfelt, and wrenching as they are - have reached me. Their gravity has not been lost on me. Each sentence prickled me with an uncomfortable truth, a confession revealing my own shortcomings. As you were recounting your thoughts and expressing your feelings, I couldn't help but feel the dissonance between the man you described and the man I believed myself to be. That is a testament to the sincerity of your words, which have served as a mirror, reflecting the ugliest parts of myself as I navigated through this rocky minefield of relationships.Your suspicions are indeed grounded. I was seeing someone else while I was with you. It's a bitter confession to make because it's a dark narrative that I constructed and then allowed you to exist within. I betrayed that connection we had, that happy bubble we created. I realize now how hypocritical it was me seeking to be the only man in your life whilst I didn't provide you with the same exclusivity. In my fleeting moments of self-awareness, I allowed my lies to eclipse the undeniable reality: I was deeply unfair to both of you. When I told you I missed you, when I uttered words of reassurance, I did so from a place of truth, but I simultaneously allowed my insincerity to taint those genuine feelings. Your past, your experiences, and the trust you placed in me despite all of it, now weigh heavy on my conscience. My initial intentions, albeit flimsy, were far removed from causing you to experience this hurt. Nonetheless, I am acutely aware that my actions have spoken louder than my intentions ever could.As for how I intended to keep this up and how long, the answer, now glaringly apparent, is I couldn't. The truth has a way of asserting itself, however much one tries to suppress it - I see that now. Your fearlessness in expressing your emotions has reminded me of the courage I lacked in being up front with you. Had I been as brave as you, this painful scenario could have been avoided. Your sorrow reminds me of what I've cost you and us. It shames me to admit that this damage could have been avoided had I acted with integrity and respect for you, for us. You're right to point out the hypocrisy in cherishing my sisters while causing pain to another woman. I am deeply remorseful for my actions and the hurt they've caused.Despite your disappointment, your words radiate a strength that's commendable. And I want you to know, I'm not immune to your words or blind to their profound impact. The future we both imagined may now be tainted with the harsh realities of my actions.I'm not sure where we go from here. But your honesty, even in pain, is courage personified. I may have hurt you irreparably, taking away our shared dreams of a future together, but your words echo with resilience and strength. You do not hate, which is testament to your sheer strength of character.Please accept my deepest apologies. I only wish I had been as brave, honest, and strong as you. Sincerely,Ashes
