Gifts and roses..-*

Chapter 25 -

Sanemi sat hunched over the table, his brush dragging across the paper with little regard for neatness. Ink bled into jagged lines and messy scrawls as he half-heartedly filled out the form. As usual when it came to doing his reports, he wasn't very focused on the task at hand- entirely fixated on the frustratingly large distance between him and Giyuu.

Sure, their last conversation had been the most normal exchange they'd had in weeks, but the fact that Giyuu had left without so much as mentioning his apology was driving him insane enough to disregard that completely. Despite his efforts- there was still a wall. A wall that Sanemi had been trying, desperately, to break down.

Why didn't Giyuu want to talk? Why couldn't they just settle this already?

He grumbled to himself, the noise low and irritated as he messily scribbled the same pattern over and over on the edge of the report. That Kakushi was not going to be happy about the state of this thing- half his page was filled with strange doodles, nonsensical shapes crowding the corners as his mind drifted. It didn't matter to him though. None of it mattered in the face of the ache sitting heavy in his chest.

Sanemi's brush hovered above the paper, ink pooling at the tip as he let out a frustrated huff.

Why was this bothering him so much?

The thought barged in like an unwelcome intruder, lingering on the fringes of his mind.

He'd never been like this. Not for anyone. He didn't care to form good relationships with others. He'd always been fine on his own, relying on no one but himself. But this? This was different. He caught himself checking for Giyuu's reactions, hoping for... something. He didn't even know what.

Why did it matter so much that Giyuu didn't want to talk to him? Why was he so fixated on fixing things between them? He'd never gone this far for anyone before- never tried so hard to get someone to stay. And yet here he was, drawing up ridiculous plans to win Giyuu over, trying to figure out how to make him comfortable.

His grip tightened on the brush as if he could squeeze the thought out of existence. The more he thought about it, the more unsettled he became. It wasn't the awkward silences or the forced conversations that bothered him- it was the fact that he cared at all. He cared about what Giyuu thought, cared about the distance between them- he was desperate to have Giyuu as a friend again.

Desperate. That word gnawed at him. burning at the edges of his thoughts.

He hated that word, hated how true it felt. He wasn't supposed to care this much. He wasn't supposed to feel like this. Desperate for Giyuu's approval, for his friendship. But the thought that Giyuu might never want to close that distance between them-might never forgive him, it burned at his insides.

He grumbled under his breath, pressing the brush to the paper too forcefully, causing the ink to smear. "Damn it," he muttered, rubbing a hand across his face in frustration. Why was he doing this? Why did it feel like losing Giyuu for good would be worse than anything else he'd faced?

He shook his head, trying to refocus. He didn't need to know why he cared, didn't need to understand it. He just had to fix it. That was all.

Maybe Giyuu was still uncomfortable around him. Maybe that was why he didn't want to talk. Maybe he still didn't trust him yet, and Sanemi hadn't proven enough. His eyes flicked to the ink-streaked paper in front of him, the clumsy doodles mocking his lack of focus. Yeah, maybe Giyuu needed more proof, more effort.

For a moment, Sanemi paused his wild scribbling. What more could he do? He thought back to how he'd left the origami for Giyuu, and how it seemed like he hadn't hated it. Sanemi sat back, letting the idea marinate. Maybe... maybe he could leave him something more. He hummed under his breath, the thought rolling around in his mind.