Celestial ~ JJ Maybank

024.

Grief.

What is grief?

To define it would be a pretty difficult task for most. It was different for everyone who's ever experienced it. For some, it meant dealing with the loss of someone who you knew. For others, it's the process in which you move on from someone else's presence in your life.

The literal definition of the word means intense sorrow, typically caused by someone's death.

And whilst that's true, grief cannot be encapsulated completely by a certain configuration of letters and words. It's a feeling deep inside of you which is unavoidable when someone you love leaves you. But not only was it unavoidable, the feeling can be debilitating for those that are impacted by it. Often, it's not even the feeling you get when you know that they're gone that makes you feel such intense pain, it's the ache that strikes your heart every time you call out their name or think of telling them something. The times where you forget – only to experience the pain all over again when you remember.

It gets even worse when that grief mixes with hope.

Hope that whatever tragedy never happened and that the people you love were coming home, no matter what proof was being shown to you. The times when you will let yourself believe anything so that you could convince yourself that you would see them once again. Going as far as even making up stupid and strenuous theories wasn't out of the realm for some.

But even the best theories in the world don't bring the ones you love back, no matter how much you pray to whatever God that can hear you so that you can tell them how much you love them. Even one last time.

Like with the Pogues. Whilst they knew the truth, there was still a sliver of hope that ran through them that both John B and Sarah made it out of the storm alive. How? They didn't know, of course. But it was something to keep them going – mainly Celeste.

Only a few days had passed since they found out about their friend's 'demise' and she wasn't handling it too well. Not only did she barely get out of bed, but she also wasn't eating as well as she did before. Luna and David often had to bring up meals to her bedroom, forcing her to eat at least a few bites whilst they were inside or they would wait for JJ to come back to the house so that the two could eat together.

At times when JJ would come inside after working at his job or after visiting his house, Luna would always drag JJ into the kitchen. Not only would she force him to drink and eat something, she would always question how he was doing. Luna wouldn't always get the truth out of him but she wasn't planning on stopping – she wanted to prove to the boy as much as she could that he was loved in this household. That they wanted him there.

However, the times when Luna couldn't get through were the times where David would.

Since the embrace the two men shared the night of the chase, David and JJ grew even closer. Whilst the father of one was taking the time to be with his family after being given some time off to 'grieve', he spent most of his nights staying up with JJ, looking out on the dock. Neither of them could sleep much so they just stayed awake, as if they were on guard.

Ward Cameron was still around, of course.

They realised that the chances of Ward trying to come to the Fraser household was practically non-existent. But there was no harm in being prepared.

Yet, when JJ wasn't outside sat beside David, he was cuddled up on Celeste's bed, holding her body close as she clung to his own. The feeling of JJ wrapped around her made Celeste feel like everything was okay, even for one moment. Like she could finally breathe the oxygen she had been deprived of in the absence of two of her friends.