August 28, 2024
1:59 AM. Complete.
Written by Elle Co.
To burn the seeds of beginning, as beginnings resemble a stem for growth and abundance. The obstructiveness of oneself leads to despair, resulting in crystal tears illuminating the soul through one's eyes as they stream down weighted cheeks.
More than once have I ever led myself to start anew—twice, thrice, four times—and yet failed to maintain a week's worth of consistency. The thought of having a safety net for every week's discipline—bagged with instant results while the bills walk out of my wallet, giving themselves to the hands of those doing God's work.
Pricking into the skin with needles and medication, targeting the fat molecules dancing beneath the plateau of dead skin cells and a wide surface of my face; not even a single hand can cover its entirety.
Exhausted from multiple tries, I've mastered the art of showing up. At the fifth attempt, barely succumbing to the grit and endurance of each dumbbell lift, I managed to exhale one last breath as I completed two reps. Another attempt would lead to my demise on the bed, but I still persevered, clinging to the rusty metal of the gym machine and earning an accomplishment medal for myself—a reward, a necessity to fuel my body; a water that I knew would just make me bloat even more.
Countless research sessions and AI assistance have been made to fully grasp the science behind losing weight, and most of them point out the different effects each exercise has on the body. In my case, as I clung to the last hope of this mental effort for continuity, the smoke signals a slowing down of the pressure machine I stepped onto.
Releasing all the herding cats of expectations in a short span has brought me double the hardship. Breathless, anxious, and clouded in doubt for those struggling, I strained even more to feel more than consuming uncertainties. Tired, hopeless, and mad at being a trying woman like me.
I'm losing myself as I lose hope.
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