Bee And Foxglove

Bee Wallows In Her Insecurities

For a while, Foxglove tried to keep her eyes open to see if she found the blue chatterbird again; eventually, however, she decided to put it out of her mind and just enjoy her holiday.

Foxglove had to admit, the change of scene was doing her a lot of good. She took her time, enjoyed the sea air, and had fun with the family she was staying with. She even met their friends. It was a sweet time.

The time came to ride home, however, and as she did so, Foxglove's mood darkened. She felt a resistance to getting back, as if a storm cloud was hanging over Suringen in her mind.

That mood didn't get better upon arriving. Foxglove hugged Bee and gave her a short kiss on the lips. But looking at Bee's hopeful, almost pleading face, she realised she couldn't give Bee the relief she seemed to be looking for.

Foxglove took her time and, sitting by the fire, she told Bee what she'd learned, as objectively as she could, leaving nothing out.

Then, she said it. "Bee... I want you to stop doing magic."

"What?"

"You look... older. Every time you do a show you're... exhausted. Like the life energy has drained out of you. And I can't prove anything, but I don't think Lisa just crashed into the cliff because of some natural mistake. It's not like it's hard to see the cliff coming. Lisa went to the Top of the World, for the Tree's sake, but it's the Cliffs of Sal that end up being the challenge she can't overcome? Something's wrong. Something just feels wrong."

Bees eyes went wide. She shook her head. "Foxglove... I... I can't accept that."

There was a knot in Foxglove's stomach. She tried to remember everything she knew about the Sacred Art of Communication. The words of her old teachers ran through her head. Take turns to be heard. Listen deeply to them, so they have the space to listen deeply to you. Or listen deeply to yourself, so that you can start hearing them.

Foxglove just... couldn't.

She got up.

Instantly she regretted making such a dramatic move. But she just couldn't find the words. Just couldn't find it in her to talk the way she wanted to.

"I..." started Foxglove. She considered going for a walk, to get her head in order. But she already knew it wasn't going to be enough. "I need space."

Foxglove saw the fear in Bee's eyes. She knew that fear.

"You're the love of my life, Bee. I couldn't imagine being with anyone but you. That's the truth, okay? I know it, and that's not going to change. But right now that's just... words. Everything in me is screaming for me to go, be somewhere else, get my head in order. And get my emotions in order, and... whatever else. That would feel... healthy."

Bee looked like she was about to start crying. It broke Foxglove's heart a little.

"Part of me wants to comfort you, Bee," said Foxglove. "But it would still feel healthy... not to do that. To just stay a little separate, to remember who I am without you. I know you're strong enough to take care of yourself and find the support you need."

Foxglove didn't look at Bee's reaction to her words. She couldn't right now. "Remember all the times I've told you how I feel. That's still true," she said. "I'll... send you a letter."

Foxglove's things were still packed. Sammy still had his saddle on, even.

She just... went.

*

The next few months don't exactly make for a page-turner. Foxglove spent time with her parents and old school friends. Vincent was horribly, awfully ill, and then gradually recovered. Bee wallowed in her insecurities. She even tried to make out with Melis. It's better for everyone if we just... kind of skip over that part.