TORN

Chapter 13: Lingering Thoughts

Harry sat at the café table, his fingers idly tapping against the screen of his phone. The conversation with Shawn was still ongoing, but the excitement that had bubbled up when he first started using Grindr was already fading. He'd been messaging Shawn for a few days now, their conversations pleasant enough, but as he sat across from him in this small café, he couldn't help but feel a growing sense of discomfort.

Shawn was good-looking, objectively attractive with a sharp jawline and kind brown eyes, but there was something missing. As Shawn spoke, Harry found his mind wandering. He nodded at all the right moments, laughed when appropriate, but his thoughts kept drifting elsewhere—specifically, to Louis.

The way Louis' eyes would sparkle when he teased him, the playful smirk on his lips, the way his silhouette looked perfect from every angle... especially from behind. The mere thought of Louis sent a wave of heat through him, a familiar ache of longing that Shawn's conversation simply wasn't sparking.

"...and that's when I decided to move out here. What about you? Do you like it in London?" Shawn's voice broke through Harry's thoughts, pulling him back to the present.

Harry blinked, realizing he had missed most of what Shawn had just said. "Uh, yeah. London's... quite... big."

He could almost hear Louis' voice in his head, mocking him with that familiar teasing tone, London's... quite... big. What are you talking about, you do talk some shit in this conversation. The thought made Harry smile despite himself.

Shawn noticed the smile and returned it, though there was a flicker of something in his eyes—like he knew Harry's mind wasn't really here. He probably thought the smile was meant for him. "It must be exciting, being a professor. You must meet a lot of interesting people."

Harry smiled tightly, trying to steer the conversation forward. "Yeah, you could say that."

But the truth was, Shawn's presence was beginning to feel more like a burden than an opportunity. Harry knew he should be engaged in the conversation, excited to meet someone new in this part of his life, but all he could think about was how much more alive he felt when Louis was around. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, checking his phone under the table, trying to calculate how much longer he should stay before making an excuse to leave.

As they continued to talk, the conversation remained dull and stilted, lacking the electricity that had always been present between him and Louis. Harry found himself zoning out again, thinking of the way Louis had made him feel, the way his smirk always sent shivers down his spine, the sound of his teasing voice echoing in his mind.

The rest of the date passed in a blur of forced smiles and awkward small talk. When they finally stood up to leave, Harry was relieved. Shawn gave him a polite, "It was nice meeting you," and Harry returned it with a half-hearted smile.

"Yeah, you too," Harry replied, already walking away, his mind far from the café and far from Shawn.

On the way home, Harry wrestled with his thoughts. Was he really attracted to men, or was it just Louis? The question gnawed at him, and by the time he got home, he was no closer to finding the answer than before.

The next day was quiet, almost routine. Harry stood in front of the chalkboard, gathering his papers while the students slowly filed out of the room. The philosophy lecture had been, as always, a place where he could lose himself—at least for a while. But today, his mind kept wandering back to the last few days, to Louis, and to the disappointing date with Shawn that had left him feeling more confused than fulfilled.

As he zipped up his bag and turned to leave, he noticed Y/N approaching him. She wore that familiar light smile she often had when she had something to share.

"Hey, Harry!" she called out, stopping in front of him. "How's it going? Do you have any plans later?"

Harry smiled, pleased to see her. "No, nothing really planned. Why, what's up?"

Y/N shrugged casually. "I thought maybe we could grab a drink. You know, just to catch up."

Harry smiled and nodded. "Sure, that sounds good. Let's do it."

A few hours later, they were sitting in the familiar bar, which had almost become a second home to Harry. The dark walls, the dim lighting, the familiar hum of conversation—it all felt right, but there was still a strange emptiness. Without Louis, it just wasn't the same.

Y/N seemed oblivious to it or was purposely ignoring it. She chatted cheerfully until she finally brought up something that piqued Harry's interest. "By the way, I wanted to thank you again for giving me Niall's number," she said with a grin. "We've actually gone on a few dates, and... I think it's going pretty well."

Harry grinned, genuinely happy for her. "That's great! I'm really glad to hear that."

Y/N nodded, taking a sip of her drink. "Yeah, he's... really something. It just feels right, you know?" Then she tilted her head slightly and asked, "What about you? What's going on with your love life? What happened with Louis?"

Harry sighed and leaned back in his chair, the memory of the argument in the bar immediately surfacing. "Louis and I... well, we had a pretty big fight. I wanted more, like a real relationship. But he... he doesn't want that. And that was the issue." Harry stared into his glass, the weight of the words heavier than he had expected. "He called me again, but I realized things were moving too fast. So I downloaded Grindr to try and figure things out for myself, and had my first date yesterday."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised but also amused. "Grindr? Wow, I didn't see that coming. And how was the date?"

Harry shrugged. "It wasn't really what I expected. The whole time, I just kept thinking about Louis." He let out a small laugh, more at himself than at the situation. "It was pretty pointless."

Y/N leaned forward slightly, a knowing look in her eyes. "By the way, I was there during that phone call with Louis... I happened to bump into him. I even encouraged him to call you."

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "You ran into him? That's wild! Did he say anything else?"

Y/N nodded. "Yeah, he seemed pretty... jealous when you told him you were going to meet other guys. He tried to play it cool, but you could tell."

Harry couldn't help but smile. The idea that Louis was actually jealous was kind of nice. Maybe it meant Louis did feel something for him after all.

Y/N leaned back and nodded knowingly. "Maybe you should try again with Louis. I get the feeling he might be more ready than you think."

Before Harry could respond, the door to the bar swung open, and two familiar faces walked in. Zayn and Liam were deep in conversation as they scanned the room, their eyes landing on Harry and Y/N. Zayn nudged Liam and muttered something under his breath before they both made their way over.

"Hey, Harry!" Zayn said with a grin, stopping at their table. "Mind if we join you?"

Liam gave a small wave and added, "We didn't mean to interrupt, just thought we'd say hi."

Harry smiled. "Of course, have a seat."

Zayn turned to Y/N, offering his hand. "I'm Zayn, and this is Liam. We know Harry through Louis, a friend of ours."

Y/N shook both their hands and smiled. "Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N. Harry's friend... and I've also met Louis recently."

Liam settled into the seat beside her, glancing between her and Harry. "By the way, have you heard from Louis lately?"

Harry shook his head, frowning slightly. "No, I haven't heard from him since that last phone call a few days ago."

Zayn and Liam exchanged a glance, and Zayn said thoughtfully, "That's weird. He hasn't been in touch with us either. That's not like him."

A deeper sense of unease settled in Harry's chest, heavier now with each passing second. Louis was often unpredictable, but he wasn't the type to go completely off the grid, especially with people like Zayn and Liam. The silence from Louis felt wrong, unsettling. What if something had happened? The knot in Harry's stomach tightened as worry crept in, thoughts of Louis slipping further away gnawing at him. Why hadn't he reached out? Harry couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't just Louis being distant—it was something more.