Trainspotters

ix.

"back to the old house"

–//–

"...What?"

"What was it that hurt you...?" Brie asks.

"Hurt me-? Brie, no, nothing's hurt me. I'm okay."

"Stop. Enough. I... Gray, this isn't okay. You're hiding something and you're not telling me what it is, and... there's something in me that just has to find out."

"You don't... need to find out anything, Brie." He looks away. "Besides. The truth hurts more than you think."

"It won't hurt me. I promise. Just tell me. What was it that made you lash out like that at the pizza place...? Like, when I came to hug you, you pushed me away and you yelled, and you told me to get away from you."

He sighs. "It's... it's hard to get out. And I don't like talking about it." He curls up, holding his girlfriend tightly. "It just takes me back to a dark time..."

"A dark time?" she asks.

"Mm."

She frowns, her eyebrows furrowing in concern and worry.

"Just... if I tell you, promise you won't get upset."

She nods. "I promise. Just, take as much time as you need. I'll be here when you're ready."

He tries to relax his shoulders, breathing deeply and trying to stay calm as he tries figuring out what went on. It was hard to decipher, all his memories were just flashes of familiar faces, and distorted voices yelling in the background, and he begins to twitch, breathing through his teeth, closing his eyes shut, but nonetheless he tries to remember. He tries staying calm.

"Just get it out if you have to. Just... just spill," she speaks softly, rubbing his back up and down, trying to soothe him. "I'm right here. I'm here, baby, it's okay."

Her voice.

Her voice was what soothed him, her voice was what helped calm him down.

He suddenly remembers a faint memory, getting clearer, it was... it was someone humming to him, softly, smiling at him, cradling him in her arms, before someone slammed the doors open, and-

...

It ended there.

...

"Mom...?" He whispers.

"What?"

"I..." He pauses, looking down, trying to decipher what had happened.

Brie stares into his eyes, confused, but worried, trying to sympathise with him as much as she could.

"I think I saw my mom..."

She sighs. "Of course you did, you went to go see her on the weekend. You told me."

He stammers, "No. No, I mean... I mean my real mom. She... she was humming to me."

Brie pauses, then begins to shake her head. "Your- your real mom...?" She asks.

"I mean, I think... she... I..." He tries to think about the faint memory again. "She was cradling me, and... and like, she was singing a song, or something, I can't... but... there was a door slamming open, and, and yelling, and-"

"And?"

"...That's it." He sighs. "I'm sorry I can't... I can't remember much."

"It's okay. It's okay, you did the best you could. Honey, I'm so proud of you, okay? I... I can somewhat understand how hard it is for you. You've been through a lot, and... and I see it. I see the efforts you put in." She sighs. "I'm sorry to have to keep asking you, but... I'm just incredibly curious, and, like... I need to know. I have a need to help and protect you, because I see the pain in those... those beautiful eyes of yours."