Tormented

Chapter 14

'You kissed him?' Sarah asked down the phone.

'Kind of...'

'What the fuck Char, I thought you hated him? Do you know how much hassle I had to go through for James to agree to let me play match maker between you and his cousin?'

'I told you not too...' I try to defend my actions.

'How long has this been going on?'

'It was just the one time. But it was weird, he just completely freaked out and left.'

'The booze probably wore off and he came to his senses.'

'Hey!' I say, offended.

'No, not like that.' She backtracks. 'It's just... the two of you have never gotten along. It must have been the alcohol, right?'

'Why? Because he wouldn't like me any other way?'

'You're putting words in my mouth. Wait... you don't like... like him do you?'

'No, of course not. I was just in a weird place, like in my mind when it happened.'

'Then why are you getting so defensive?' She asks with a softness in her voice that told me she was trying to understand.

'I'm sorry... you're right. It was silly. I'm sure it won't happen again.'

But secretly I hoped it would. I felt the pang in my chest as I spoke the words to her. Benedict made me feel something last night. Something I'd never felt before. And then there was the way he helped with my mum. I couldn't even sense any judgement off of him. Did he know why my mother was like that? I hoped not. I didn't need his pity. I didn't want last night to be because he felt sorry for me.

'Do you think I should talk to him about it?' I ask her.

'Maybe? I don't know Char. This whole thing is just weird, if you ask me.'

'More weird than you and James?'

'Yes.' She replies flatly. 'James didn't spend the last year bullying me, making my life miserable.'

'Hhmmm.' I hum, knowing she was right.

'Do you think talking with him would help?' She asks.

'Yes... No... Uh, I don't know.'

'Well you have two days to decide what to do about it before you have to see him at school Monday.'

'Gee, thanks.'

'Want me to see if James knows anything.'

'NO!' I shout down the phone.

'Alright, it was just a suggestion.'

'What would you ask him if you did?' 

'Why he snogged you then legged it?' She jokes.

'No, because he'll know I asked you to ask and then he'll tell Benedict.'

'What does it matter?'

'I don't want him to know I was talking about it or that I was asking after him...'

'That's ridiculous.'

'Maybe you could just ask James what's up with him, like in a general way?'

'Do you actually want me to ask James that?'

'Erm... Yes...?'

'I'm text him right now...'

'No, wait.' I stop her.

'You either want to know or you don't...'

'Fine... text him. But make sure it doesn't sound like I'm asking.'

There was a moment of silence as I wait for her to text him, feeling my stomach doing summersaults.

'Done.' She tells me. 'Now we wait.'

'How long do you think it'll take him to reply?'

'I don't know. Depends what he's doing. Think he's playing Xbox with some of the guy today.'

'He's with Benedict now! Don't you think that information would have been nice to know before you sent that text?'

Please world, swallow me up. I don't care if it's painful. Just end it. End it all now for the love of god.

'Oh, he replied.'

'What does it say?'

'Wait a second... I'm reading it.'

'Come on...'

She sniggers as she reads the reply from James.

'He said Benedict is currently getting his arse handed to him while they play COD, why am I so interested in his best friend?'

'That was worth finding out... ask him another question.'

'And have my boyfriend think I'm hitting on his best friend?'

'Boyfriend?'

'Oh... er yeah.'

'When did that happen?'

'Kind of last night.'

I felt a stab of jealously for my best friend again. While I was dealing with my mother she was living life like a normal teenager. She was able to spend time with the guy she liked without interruption and now they're together. I can't help but imagine something more could have happened in that bedroom at the party if I didn't have to rush off and deal with my mother. Maybe she was the reason Benedict rushed off? He decided he didn't want to deal with my drama so he left. It's not like he's even tried to text me since it happened. Was he just going to pretend it didn't happen? In that moment I knew I had to try and talk to him at school. I couldn't just let him pull away from me. Not when I was feeling... something. I don't know. I didn't know how I felt. All I did know was that I didn't want it to stop. But for the moment I had to be happy for my friend. I could wallow later.

'Have you two... you know?'

'No, no of course not.'

'Do you think you will?'

'Maybe?' I could hear her smiling through the phone.

'You really like him?'

'Yeah.' She admits. 'I think I'll wait until Halloween, to you know... to have sex with him.'

'Oh my god.' I squeaked down the phone.

I knew Sarah wasn't a virgin. She hadn't been since she was fifteen, but she seems so excited and I could tell she didn't want to rush into anything. I just hoped James shared the same sentiment.