~Everless~ (Twilight/Loid x Yor)

Chapter-0~ Void

This chapter is meant to serve little bit as a prequel to this story (everless)... it's an emotional dialogue about Loid's feelings after the events of Evermore. This chapter is not a continuation of Chapter-4.

It was a bright and beautiful morning... about 4 AM. During their honeymoon period as a couple, obviously, they were spending all their time together. They were soldiers first, parents next and finally received the chance to be a romantic couple, so that day, they decided to enjoy a morning walk in the park in front of their house together. Still, there was something going on that had to be discussed.

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It was a cold winter morning... despite wearing full coats, gloves and mufflers, Loid and Yor were still shivering... But, the white landscape of the park and the early morning sky accompanied with a tranquil silence was too romantic to resist.

"Yor... you're shivering, would you like to sit down for a while?", asked Loid as he wrapped his arms along her shoulder.

She blushed and was flustered, "S-S-Ssure.. L-L-Loid-san."

They sat down. Loid looked into her crimson red eyes and stared. His face gleamed and he chuckled, "Yor... I've told you so many times... you can call me Loid."

Yor chuckled and smiled back at him. She got closer to him and wrapped his arm around herself and rested her head on his chest. "S-S-Sorry... I'm feeling cold..."

Loid hugged her tightly and replied, "If you're feeling that cold, let's go inside. I wouldn't want you to get sick."

She did not say a word... there was complete silence for a while. Yor looked up to Loid and saw his face. His expressions were completely blank... and she noticed an uneasiness on his face... she hadn't ever seen him making such a peculiar expression. "Loid-san... I mean Loid, is everything alright?"

He didn't respond. He was completely zoned out. Yor asked him one more time but he still didn't pay attention. Yor got off from her resting position and took his hand onto her lap, "Loid... is everything okay? You seem a bit zoned out..."

He replied, "Well, yes, I am okay. But, not to be modest... I think that there's something bothering me."

She spaced herself from him a bit, "What happened...? Am I being too forward in our relationship... Ugh I knew I was doing something wrong... how stupid of me!"

Loid pulled her closer,"Of course not. In fact, u love it so much when you're being forward with me. Like... the previous Yor would've knocked me out by now if I reeled her closer like this."

Yor's facial expressions changed from a disappointed face to a more concerned expression... she gulped and asked, "What is bothering you, then?"

He sighed and clasped his head, "Now... before I tell you this... don't interpret what I say in the wrong way... it's just that after quitting being a  spy... there's an emptiness... there's a void... not because my life is bad... not because I feel lonely or alone, it's because I feel guilty.. guilty that  I'm no longer giving by best... Now, don't get me wrong, my priority will always be you and Anya, but when I was a spy, when I was working hard, risking my life every day, I at least felt in the back of my mind that I am doing enough good that I deserve you and Anya... but now that feeling of worthiness of being able to live content with no insecurity about the fact that whether I deserve you or not is fading away... and I feel useless."

Yor was shocked to hear this... that her husband whom she thought so much of, had such a huge insecurity at the back of his mind, "Loid! I never expected you to say such things... I mean you.. the man who had saved the world countless times, has saved me, has made sure that no matter what happened, our family would remain unscathed, someone who forgave me for the gravest mistake that anyone could ever make in life... yet you doubt yourself?"

"But you both are so perfect... Yor, you are so damn perfect... that I have no choice but to have such thoughts, you and Anya are literally more than anything that anyone can ever ask of. Trust me, I am not someone who likes to belittle himself, but in front of you, I always feel like I'll deserve you more if I do more in life... I mean it's not that bad right now, the family earns well, Anya goes to the country's best school and we are doing alright emotionally as well, but there just isn't quite much of an effort from my side... it's like I keep on winning lotteries every single day when I wake up.", he replied.

Yor shook her head, "Loid... I know that I may not be as smart as you, but I am sure about something. You are wrong. If you're saying that whatever you do daily, doesn't take any effort, then you are wrong. Remember what you explained to me one day? How difficult it is to keep a family together... how difficult it is to handle our needs, our emotions and still not get tired of us... that isn't just effort, it's love... and devotion. Sometimes, I also have the same thoughts, but then I remember how much we all love each other and that it's never going to change, no matter what happens. That's what keeps me going and I am quite grateful for it. I love you, Loid and as your wife I have the right to tell you that you are more than perfect. And as my husband, you are bound to believe me."

Loid smiled, "Thank you, Yor.... No, love you, Yor."

She smiled back and gave him a rib-shattering hug, "Loid, whenever you feel you want to talk, or you just want to rest, you can rest on me... I will do my best to help you and protect you, always."