If Only

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love.

what is love?

what's the real definition of it?

I grew up watching the people around me fall for someone. they didn't experience the so called one sided love o dahil ba iyon lang ang nakikita ko? I always see the good thing about love. the benefit but I never saw the worst part of it. I was scared to look at it. I was scared na baka kapag nakita o nalaman ko iyon ay magbago ang pananaw ko.

"You may now kiss the bride." The priest said. I looked at the newly weds and saw tears falling from their eyes as if they were so in love with each other. I always saw this, I often attend weddings kahit kakilala ko lang ang isa mga imbitado.

I always wanted to see the eagerness in their eyes to be married. marriage is not just a formality for those people who love each other. marriage is a promise to God to not hurt your other half. marriage is a symbol that you're not alone anymore, that you already had someone who would listened to your daily rants, someone who would be your kakampi.

"Tapos na yung kasal, Blue, tara na uwi na tayo." pag-aaya sa akin ng kaibigan kong si South.

"Oo na, tara na." Sabi ko na lamang at saka na kinuha ang bag ko naglalaman ng camera na ginamit ko kanina para kumuha nang mga litrato.

"Daan muna pala tayo sa coffee shop, bibili ako nang pasalubong kay mama." Sabi ko habang naglalakad kami palabas ng simbahan.

"Libre mo na din ako." Sabi nya at saka naghikab at pagkatapos ay inakbayan ako para sabay kaming maglakad.

"Mas marami kang pera kesa sakin kaya dapat Ikaw ang mang libre." Sabi ko naman at saka sya inakbayan din.

Nag-aasaran pa kaming dalawa habang naglalakad hanggang sa bigla na lang mapahinto si South.

"Uy, bakit ka huminto?" takang tanong ko. tila ba nakatulala lang sya sa kung saan kaya naman tinignan ko rin kung sino o ano yung tinitignan nya.

And there I saw someone. He was just standing there, his hands were inside his pockets and then he suddenly looked at our direction. He smiled and then he started walking.

"South." The guy said with so much longing in his voice. And when I looked at South, I only see the cold expression flustered in her face.

"Tara na, Blue, baka hinahanap ka na ni tita." Sabi nya lang at saka nya hinawakan ang palapulsuhan ko at nagsimulang maglakad palayo doon sa lalaki. Ngumiti na lang ako sa kanya bilang paghingi nang pasensya sa inasta ni South.

"Don't mind him, Blue. He's just someone I know." Biglang sabi ni South at napabuntong hininga, tinignan nya ako at saka ngumiti.

"Okay. Tara na doon sa cafe." Sabi ko na lang sa kanya. Hindi ko naman kasi ugali yung magtatanong ng magtatanong tungkol sa mga bagay na ayaw naman ishare nang iba. I respect their privacy and I hope they would do the same to me.

After ilang minutes ng paglalakad na may kasamang kwentuhan at asaran ay nakarating na kami sa cafe na bagong bukas lang dito sa bayan namin. Luckily, hindi naisipan nila mama na sa may dulong part magpagawa nang bahay dahil sigurado aking hindi ako makakalabas labas kapag ganon. I don't think, my parents would allow me to go somewhere else liban na lang kapag kasama ko si South.

"Ako na oorder." Prisinta ko at sinabi naman ni South na sya na ang hahanap ng table namin.

Kaya nang nakagawian, tumagal nanaman ako nang sampung minuto sa pamimili kung ano ba ang bibilhin ko para sa akin. I already knew what South and my mother wants, but isn't it weird that I'm still having trouble figuring out about my favorites? like I didn't know what's my favorite drink, all I know is that I like coffee and strawberry milkshake but I don't know what's my favorite between the two.

At the end, I always try something new. Just like right now, I ordered blueberry shake and a blueberry shortcake.

Sabi naman sa counter ay ihahatid na lang sa table namin yung order kaya naman hinanap ko na si South. And there, I saw her staring outside na para bang sobrang lalim ng iniisip nya. I stared at, matagal ko nang kaibigan si South but I only knew few things about her. Wala akong alam tungkol sa love life nya, sa family nya naman hindi na lihim sa pagitan namin ang unti-unting pagkasira nang pamilya nila because of her father. I admired her, she was so strong. Kung sa akin siguro nangyari iyon ay baka mabaliw na ako lalo na kung makikita kong araw-araw nasasaktan ang mama ko.

"South." I called her, she looked at me and then smiled that didn't even reached her eyes. I knew something was wrong and I was willing to wait until she's already ready to tell me the story.

"Uuwi na yung kaibigan ni kuya." She suddenly said.

"Yung bff ni kuya Haniel?" I asked. Dalawa kasi ang kapatid nyang lalaki, actually tatlo lang sila and she was the youngest.

"Oo." Sagot nya at bumuntong hininga.

"Anong meron sa bff ni kuya?" I asked.

"Sunduin natin. Marunong ka naman mag drive diba?" She suddenly said.

"Gaga ka, daddy won't let me drive his car!" Pasigaw kong sabi.

Napayuko na lamang sya sa lamesa na para bang sobrang problemado nya.

"Pwede namang mag commute yung bff ni kuya, pa vip sya masyado." Reklamo ko at saka humalukilkip.

Sasagot na sana si South ng biglang dumating ang waiter dala ang orders namin.

"Thank you po!" I politely said after nya mababa yung pagkain and he even smiled back at me.

"Bilin kasi ni kuya. Sabi nya babawasan nya daw allowance ko kapag hindi ko sinundo." Reklamo pa nya.

"Okay fine. Itakas na lang natin yung car." Sabi ko at saka ngumiti.

"Sigurado ka ba? Baka pagalitan ka ni tito?" She asked, I just smiled at her as if saying that it was fine. Besides, daddy can't be totally mad at me because I'm their unica hija.

"Kain ka na, tapos kukunin na natin yung car." Masayang sabi ko. I would just take this opportunity as an adventure.

Pero kung alam ko lang na sa paraang iyon ko sya makikilala, sana hindi ko na lang ginawa.

end of prologue.