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Warning: explicit language/ violence

Missed

I folded all my clothes and put them in my bag. I'm gonna leave here in our home dahil hindi narin naman magandang pumarito pa.

Kanina kasi habang na kay'la Henry pa 'ko napagisip-isip 'ko. Hindi na kami ok para magsama sa iisang bubong, ok pa bang tumira sa iisang bubong kung niloloko ka naman ng asawa mo? Asawa? Sa papel mag asawa kami pero nararamdaman 'ko ba? Of course hindi, ipagsigawa ba naman niya na fiance niya yung babae niya diba at ako yung stranger na baliw at stalker sa story nila.

Tapos 'ko nang iligpit ang mga damit 'ko kaya dinala 'ko na ito sa sala. I checked our bedroom again at tinignan kung may naiwan bang gamit 'ko. Ayokong magiwan ng bakas 'ko dito at baka dito niya dalhin ang babae niya tapos hawakan yung mga gamit 'ko. Sampalin 'ko talaga siya kaliwa't kanan.

I opened the Aldrich closet because i know he hid our printed pictures there. I wanna burn it so much.

Tama na siguro yung nine years na naging kami. He was the first to fall in love and he was the first to lose feelings for us.

I think the quote 'he fell first but he fell harder' is a lack of words. 'when he fell harder, he backed off ' complete.

I took the brown rectangular box sa ilalim ng closets niya. Pumunta ako sa kama at umupo do'n.

I opened it. I took them one by one of our pictures. tinitigan 'ko 'yon isa-isa. Saksi ang mga ngiti namin kung ga'no kami kasaya habang biglang sumasagi sa isip 'ko ang mga nangyayari noon sa likod ng litrato.

I smiled helplessly and wiped my tears, oh god. I thought I could burn it pero bakit parang umaatras na 'ko?

Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak habang tinititigan ang mga litrato namin. I'm tired of being a crybaby.

I felt my heart was a tearing piece of piece nang maalala 'ko ulit kung pa'no niya prinotektahan ang babae niya. Kung pa'no niya punasan ang mga luha nito.

I sighed harder and pulled my decision. I'm gonna burn it, burn it until all the pain is satisfied my heart and burn all our memories in my brain. I promise I'm not going to cry on his front again.

Ibinalik 'ko sa loob ng box yung pictures at isinara iyon. Tumayo ako at lumabas ng kwarto.

Bigla akong nagulat sa lalaking nakaupo dito sa sala. Bakit pa siya umuwi eh aalis din naman ako.

Hindi 'ko siya pinansin at dalidali ng kinuha ang malaking bag 'ko sa sahig at binuksa ang pinto.

"Go and get out of my house! Ang drama mo." I heard his coldly under his baritone voice.

Yung paa 'ko na dapat lalabas na, napa urong. Nanggigigil na 'ko sa mga sinasabi niya sa 'kin. Gusto 'ko siyang bawiaan kahit man lang minsan. Inilapag 'ko sa sahig ang mga gamit 'ko kaagad at lumapit ako sa harap niya.

He stared at me coldly, i cannot see in his eyes na nagsisisi siya sa mga ginagawa niya sa'kin.

I slapped him hard at sasampalin sana siya sa kaliwa ngunit agad niyang naabutan ang kamay 'ko.

Tumayo siya at hawakhawak parin ng mahigpit ang palapusuhan 'ko. Hindi ako nag patinag at pilit na binawi ang kamay 'ko.

"How dare you fucking slap me! Isa ka lang namang bading na habol ng habol sa'kin!" Napatitig ako sa mukha niya, my eyes get blurred at nagbabadyang magunaaang tumulo. I promised a while ago na hindi na 'ko iiyak sa harap niya pero bakit ngayon..?

I saw how his cheek turned red and i don't care. "Seriously? So why you marry if i am? Why did you act love me if i am? Is that an act? Congratulations you success." I sniffed hard at binawi ang kamay 'ko.

Tumalikod na 'ko sa kanya ngunit hinatak niya ulit ako sa palapulsuhan 'ko, lumipad pakaliwa ang mukha 'ko ng sampalin niya 'ko.

My heart was shutter when he could slap me again. " Why don't you be thankful because I'm the only one who loves you? I'm the only one who made you feel loved because no one else can do that! Even though nandidiri ako sometimes, I put up with it because I don't want to leave you!" I widened my eyes because of what he said.

"Pinilit ba kita?! Sinabi 'ko ba na mahalin mo 'ko? Pinilit ba kita na pakisamahan mo 'ko dahil walang nagmamahal sakin?! Sorry you've wrong of your fucking thoughts! Nagsasawa kana sa'kin kaya naghanap ka ng tunay na babae! Pwes nagsasawa narin ako sa mga iyak 'ko! Tuwing hinihintay kita kahit hindi ka naman dumadating! Nagsasawa na kong maging mahina dahil sayo! Nag sasawa na 'ko umiyak araw araw dahil sayo!" Yumuko ako dahil humagulgol na 'ko nang iyak.

He left me at pumuntang kwarto namin. Nilingon 'ko siya mula sa gilid 'ko.

"Sit" he ordered me coldly. I didn't listen to him at nanatili sa kinaroroonan 'ko. Sawa na kong sumunod sa kaniya. I'm fucking tired for him actually.

He just coldly stared at me at 'di na 'ko pinansin pa. "Fucking signed it. We both know that marriage is just a fool's errand for two men" padabog niyang inilapag ang divorce paper sa coffee table.

I bit my lips dahil naguunahan nanaman tumulo ang luha 'ko. So he prepared it. Tangina.

Kinuha 'ko ang ballpen sa tabi ng divorce paper. I wanna sign it so much but the glimpse of flashback of our wedding tear my heart.

I threw the ballpen on the table at kinuha ang papel. Pinunit 'ko ito at ibinato sa mukha niya.

He thinks na matatapos lang niya ito sa pamamagitan ng papel? Manigas siya!

He stand up and face me. His stare was dangerous and gave me a warning. He gripped my shoulder at itinulak ako sa pader. Malakas ang pagkakatulak niya sa'kin kaya napadaing ako.

He gripped my neck. I cannot breathe dahil ang higpit ng hawak niya sa leeg 'ko. Pilit akong kumawala sa kaniya ngunit hindi niya 'ko binibitawan.

Why can he do this to me? Sobrang sama na ba ng ginawa 'ko para gawin niya sa'kin 'to?

I felt my eyes get blurred again. Ang hapdi na ng mata 'ko at nanghihinana rin ako.

"Just ki-... fuck!!" I groaned when he tried to kiss me on my neck. I pushed him hard. he let go of me. But he grabbed me again when I tried to run away. No hindi 'to pwede.

"This is what you want right? Sige pagbibigyan kita." He pushed me hard on the sofa and started to kiss me on my lips.

Hindi 'ko tinutugonan ang mga halik niya. I tried to push him again pero mas lalo lang niyang idiniin ang sarili niya sakin.

"Please... D-don't do this to me...i- im scared..." I begged helplessly.

I weakly cry. "Just... K-kill me if you are really angry with me... I-i can't anymore Massen... I'm really scared of you now... P-please let me go... Don't do this to me please..."

I felt that he stopped what he was doing to me. I'm shaking and i know he felt that too. I just cried helplessly and hugged him. Hinayaan niya kong yakapin siya kaya niyakap 'ko siya ng mahigpit.

I thought I could let go of him but why did I feel that I missed him. I really missed the old him. I miss his clingy side but what he said a while ago. I can't believe na it's an act and I can't believe na he can do this to me. I know he is lying cuz he really loves me I guess but his other woman is just clinging to him so he forgot.

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