Until Heaven Unites Us

Chapter Sixteen

Dear Faisal,

We've never really talked about life after my death. And I understand why but, Faisal I don't... I don't want you to grieve. Wallah. You know.... I take this cancer as a gift. Just a few hours ago I was watching a video about a man named Rahman Ihsan. He was so motivating and uplifting. He had cancer too and.... He said he took cancer as a gift. When you look at it, we don't know exactly when or how we die. How well can we plan for it? How well do we know we've done to plan for our afterlife? And even if we feel fulfilled about ourselves, what's the guarantee that we are meant for Jannah? Life really is an illusion you know? I had so many plans personally, and then with you too. According to most, I had a whole life ahead of me. That was true but then destiny is destiny.

No one knows what life holds for them. The future I planned so hard for, I'm not even gonna be in it. One day, I know you'd move on too. You'd remarry, have children, grow old and happy. Malik will do the same and so will Usman and Yusra. I hope you all do. I hope life gives you all a chance and then some, to make do with it until it's time.

I read the spectacle of death and Faisal, that book was a gift. Truly it was a spectacle of the afterlife, yet it opened my eyes so much. I am so scared writing this Faisal. Because I don't know what life after death holds for me. Have I done enough to be rewarded? What exactly have I prepared for my afterlife?

I prayed but did I pray correctly? Did I have enough khushu? Were my prayers accepted? I made Dhikr but was I invested in it? Did I focus? I did charity but was I sincere? Were my deeds accepted? I have so much anxiety about my actions Faisal. I know though that Allah is the most forgiving and I pray that He accepts my deeds, and forgive the sins I have committed. I trust and have faith in my Lord that He would dispose my affairs in a manner befitting to Him.

While reading the book, the wonders of paradise got me hooked. There are so many bounties to enjoy there. A place that no eyes have ever seen, a place that no heart has ever perceived, like Maher Zain sang. It really makes you wonder how the reality of Jannah is. Then the punishment of Hell is another. The bitterness and suffering the denizens would face is just horrid to think about.

Humans are really ungrateful you know. There's so much time yet so little done, and then there little time yet so much done. Everyone's fates are in their own hands. We've been given a chance to make our own choices and yet most of us fail to use it properly. Some spend their time wondering till it runs out, others might get a chance to do a little before it theirs run out. And then the lucky ones figure it out faster and get to do so much. But then, were their deeds accepted? Were they sincere? Did they do enough?

Life's tricky. You think you're doing well and then when your time comes and your whole life flashes before your eyes, you look at all your moments yet can pinpoint one where you can be fully proud of. Where you felt 100 percent happiness and fulfillment.

No one wants to die yet everyone wants to go to Jannah. How are you gonna get there then? It's funny but it isn't. I'm laughing right now btw. Faisal, I'm boring you with all of these talks so maybe I'll write again when I think of something.

Love,
Haya

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Dear Faisal,

Time. By time, indeed mankind is in loss. Except those who believe and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to the truth and exhort one another to patience. That's from Surah Al Asr. One of my favorite Surahs of the Qur'an. It really makes you think and ponder over the time you've spent on earth. Believe, do righteous deeds, advise one another to the truth and patience. We're always in such a rush. To do things that do not benefit us. To make money, to satisfy our nafs, to gain fame and attention, to validate people's views of us. We forget that it's only an illusion. We're nothing but pencils in the Hand of our Creator.