Amend || Bucky Barnes FanFiction

11. recovery

The murmur of the television provided a sense of calmness and nostalgia as Estella laid somewhat comfortably against the two-seat couch, one that Bucky had practically stolen from a neighbour that had moved out yesterday. The material was velvet and old, with lines and shapes drawn from a child's marker, it was simply a couch that she would never personally purchase. It was no good in condition, as the legs of the couch felt as though they were about to snap at any given moment, though Estella was not one to talk of good conditions. She herself, was not in a particularly good condition herself.

The last week had been complete and utter hell for her. She spent most of her nights wide awake, eyes drawn to the bright television that lit up majority of Bucky's small apartment, doing everything she could to distract herself from the constant nausea and the nightmares waiting to unleash behind her eyes. The nightmares are what scared her the most. She hadn't had such vivid dreams like that since she was a child, and back then, she had the comfort of her father's warm embrace to make her feel safe again. Now, her father was a part of these nightmares – with a half his face burned, and dull eyes staring at her with disappointment as he blames her for his death.

If her nightmares did not consist of her father, it consisted of other members of her family. She had nightmares of the strange woman, who tried to kill her in every nightmare she had about her. Morgan appeared once in a nightmare, one in which her baby sister died in her arms and there was nothing Estella could do to save her. That nightmare had caused for her to awaken with screams and cries, desperately searching for her phone to call 911 or literally anyone would pick up the phone to go save Morgan. No matter the nightmare, whether it would leave her sweating or screaming, Bucky managed to be there for her every single time.

While he was not always the best at comforting, due to his awkward nature (which was really only due to the older man still adapting to the new life he was a part of), he held her and he rubbed her back until she was soothed enough to fall asleep in his arms. He held her hair back when her dinner would come back up, and never once did he complain about any of it. Estella had not known such love and care from a man before, one that was not her family, at least. The men in her life used her, platonic and romantic. They laughed at her when she was sick, encouraged her to make irrational decisions, used her for her body and her money. Not even Noah, who was supposed to be her friend, ever treated her with such empathy like Bucky.

She wanted to get better for Bucky – to really commit to no longer drinking alcohol, but it was always a lot easier said than done. Withdrawal was one of the hardest things to overcome in her life. She had never felt so hopeless and pathetic than now, as she laid against an old couch, with her eyes glued to some television show about rich house wives. She constantly hugged her stomach from the pain, as if it the hugging would cause for the pain to ultimately ease. Tears left her eyes and rolled down her cheeks and onto the velvet of the couch, as she battled her own mind to do anything but get up and walk out that door. She could find that nice boy, who's name she had forgotten, who sold her the alcohol last time. Perhaps she would find a better bench to lay on, or maybe she would just go into a bar and drink the night away. Hit up Darcy or Noah and make up for the time she had spent trying to stay sober.

But alas, one small factor that she tried to forget that was preventing her from doing any of this at this point in time, was there mere fact that she could barely walk. The nausea was so bad with her stomach constantly twisting and turning that the thought of walking to the bathroom, let alone down the street, gave her the urge to let out a sob. But the only way to cure this nausea, pain, and nightmares was to simply have some alcohol. She would prefer a bottle, but she could deal with half a bottle of tequila or vodka. Hell, at this point, she would be okay with a cheap bottle of Moscato. She would take anything to cure these symptoms.