Maybe This Time

016

In the days following the confrontation with Orm, Lingling found herself slipping into old habits. Each night, she drowned her pain with glass after glass of wine, replaying the argument in her mind, unable to shake the guilt that weighed heavily on her.

Her penthouse, usually pristine and orderly, had become a reflection of her inner turmoil a mess of empty bottles, scattered papers, and memories she couldn't let go of. She barely slept, and when she did, her dreams were filled with the sound of Orm's voice, accusing, disappointed.

As the nights dragged on, Lingling's tears felt endless. "Why do I keep ruining everything?" she muttered to herself in the early hours, the city lights outside her window blurred by her tears.

She wanted to reach out to Orm, to beg for another chance, but she knew she needed to give her space. Lingling couldn't shake the thought that maybe, this time, she had pushed things too far.

One afternoon, as she sat in the dim silence of her room nursing a hangover, there was a sudden knock at her door. She sighed, unwilling to face anyone, but the knocking grew persistent.

Reluctantly, she made her way over and opened it.
Gap and Jaja, two of her closest friends, stood there, their expressions a mix of concern and shock.

Gap took one look at her, noting her disheveled hair and tear stained face, and didn't waste a moment before stepping inside.

"Ling, what happened to you?" Jaja asked, her voice full of worry as she glanced around the apartment. "You look... Ling, you're back to where you were after you first left Orm."

Lingling looked away, ashamed. "I messed everything up," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I thought... I thought maybe things would be different this time. But I've ruined everything again!"

Gap sighed, guiding her to sit down on the couch as Jaja began tidying up the apartment, picking up empty wine glasses and bottles.

"Ling, you can't keep doing this to yourself," Gap said gently. "You need help. This pain, this guilt you're carrying so much of it, and it's tearing you apart."

Lingling buried her face in her hands. "I just... I thought I could be better for her. But now it feels like I'll never change. I'm always hurting the people I care about."

Jaja, having cleared a space around them, sat down beside Lingling and took her hand. "Ling, you're not alone in this. We're here for you, but you need to take that first step. Maybe it's time to talk to someone, a therapist. Someone who can help you work through everything you're carrying."

Lingling glanced between her friends, seeing their genuine concern. She knew they were right. She had tried to fix things on her own for too long, and it was only driving her deeper into despair.

She took a shaky breath, nodding slowly. " think... I thìnk you're right. I need help. I don't want to keep hurting like this. And I don't want to hurt Orm anymore."

Gap smiled softly, relief evident in her eyes. "That's a good first step, Ling. We'll help you through this."

A few days later, Lingling found herself sitting in the quiet comfort of a therapist's office. The space felt foreign, but also warm and safe a place where she could finally confront the shadows that had haunted her for so long.

As she sat down and took a deep breath, the therapist, Dr. Wong, greeted her with a gentle smile.

"Thank you for coming in today, Lingling," Dr. Wong said, her tone welcoming. "What would you like to talk about?"

Lingling's voice was barely a whisper as she began. "I've been carrying so much pain... and I don't know how to let it go. I hurt the person I love, and I can't seem to stop blaming myself."

Dr. Wong listened patiently as Lingling opened up about her struggles with commitment, her fear of vulnerability, and the constant self doubt that seemed to cloud every decision she made.

"It sounds like you've been trying to handle this burden on your own for a long time," Dr. Wong observed gently. "Healing isn't a journey you have to face alone. What would it look like for you to let go of some of this guilt?"

Lingling took a deep breath, her heart racing as she considered the possibility. "I want to change. I want to be better, not just for Orm, but for myself. I don't want to keep making the same mistakes."

Dr. Wong nodded, her expression encouraging. "Change is a gradual process, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. You're here now, willing to reflect and grow that's a significant first step."

Lingling left the session feeling lighter, her heart brimming with a cautious sense of hope. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she was ready to start a new chapter.

For the first time, she was willing to face her fears, confront her past, and truly work on becoming the person she wanted to be not only for Orm but, more importantly, for herself.