Shards: Book One of the Anderian Series

Chapter 23: Cold Truth

I started laughing really hard and only stopped when I realized no one was laughing with me. Cian's jaw muscles worked like he was trying to chew a mouthful of gravel. Amaya... well, I couldn't quite interpret what she was feeling. In the short time since first laying eyes on the woman, I'd seen her shift through multiple moods. The woman was mercurial enough to be a sea goddess, not a Night goddess. I would have pegged her for something more moody and mysterious.

"You're not serious, are you?" I wheezed the words out through a deep intake of air. "I've never sprouted any claws or wings—at least not that I'm aware of. We could ask Jac if anything weird happened during one of my sleepwalking episodes."

Cian bristled at the mention of Jac, but as my lady bits sighed in appreciation, my brain, which I was determined to leave in control of this mess, reminded me Jac was part of the Coalition and therefore, Cian's enemy. Nothing else.

"You wouldn't have claws or wings," Amaya explained. "You're more likely descended from one of the children who came over in the rebellion."

"Oh, my god. You are serious."

I thought back to everything I'd learned while staying with Kay and Tiffany. There had been so much new information, but one thing that stood out among everything was the conclusion that I wasn't fully human. I pegged my father as being the one with the mixed up DNA—perhaps Molly had banged a supernatural to juice up the family power, but it seemed highly unlikely she would have taken an Andarien lover. Not unless it happened before she was an active carrier of the Shard.

It could go further back in our DNA, but since everyone acted like my power was a novelty, this was highly unlikely, which left only one option. My mystery mother was Andarien.

"That might explain why they abandoned me the way they did. If my mother was Andarien. I don't see her willingly showing off the future Shard carrier to her kinfolk."

Amaya twisted her silvery hair in a knot. Outside rain fell softly against the windows, and the occasional clash of thunder followed quick bursts of lightning. I wanted to go back into the bedroom, close the door, and crawl beneath the covers and sleep until they planned to kill me. Cian could call the Synod here. I was quite over all of this.

"Actually," she proposed, dropping her hair and leaning forward with excitement. "Cian... when was the last time you spoke to Shreyna?"

He didn't answer immediately. I raised my eyes to meet his, and only after a thorough combing over my face and body, as if to make certain I was okay, did he reply. "I'm not exactly her favorite person."

"That's a given. But try to recall."

His lips pressed together. "I haven't talked to her in decades. Not since she proposed—oh, shit."

"What? Oh shit, what?" I shouted.

"Since," Amaya continued, "she proposed a plan to get pregnant by one of the Shard bearers in order to take it from her child when it passed on to it. There were several families, and it was quite impractical to consider infiltrating all of them. Not to mention, as a whole, Andariens may be a bit emotionally cold compared to humans, but we aren't completely without feeling. No one else thought they could willingly sacrifice their child for such a cause. I supposed when word got around we were down to one family, she took up the cause on her own."

"I...no...Wait," I stumbled over the words and thoughts, none of them fully forming before shock and hurt pushed them from my mind. Strange how something I thought didn't matter anymore had the power to make my stomach turn to cramps. "Why would she abandon me then? Surely, she would have wanted to monitor me?"

"Unless your father got wind of what she planned, or maybe he was just doing what all Shard bearers do. Getting you as far from himself as possible."

"Amaya, enough," Cian commanded, drawing me against him. I was trembling. When had I started trembling? "We don't know if that's the case, and the whys of the thing don't really matter. What does matter is if she is Shreyna's, then we are dealing with power we don't fully understand. Not just because it's her power, but also because we don't know what human DNA mixed with Andarien is capable of."

"Oh goody. I'm still an oddity." I put my forehead on my knees. "Maybe that's why I'm only capable of seeing echoes. My human DNA can't fully adapt to the power?"

Amaya cackled and waved her hand at me. "Sorry, you already proved that isn't the case when you erased your signature. Sure enough, just like your dear mama, you can will energy to do as you please. You learned quick too. Far more natural than your sister."

"My sister?" My head popped up, hope thundering in my chest. Maybe I wasn't alone.

For the first time, Amaya looked shaken. "I'm sorry, Cian. I didn't mean to bring her up."

I glanced over and found cracks running through his tough exterior, turning him into a shell of a man. After a long moment, he shook off the outer signs of distress and rebuilt his tough exterior, but he couldn't completely erase it. Pain wavered behind the blue eyes that flicked over to me and then Amaya.

"It is fine," he whispered hoarsely. "But it makes sense now. How I reacted when I saw you."

"You accused me of wearing a glamour."

"You look so much like her. Bellamy."

Amaya frowned. "I do not know how I missed it when I first saw her, but then I only knew her as a child."

Sorrow poured from Cian, and it was enough (coupled with Amaya's use of past tense) to clue me in that Bellamy was no longer among the living, though if she was alive, it might explain his desperation to return home. Especially if they were lovers. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I considered asking more about Shreyna and Bellamy, perhaps prying into their genealogy. Amaya referred to Shreyna as one of the children, which meant she was the offspring of a god and native Anderian. A few weeks ago, I would have been thrilled to learn this much about my past, and my ego would have grown substantially upon learning I was basically a demigod, but now it all seemed so pointless. I was nothing more than a carefully planned sacrifice. I had been born to die.

"I think I'm going back to bed."

I rose and walked away, not waiting for them to protest. Cian would likely want to hit the road again now that my psychic tracker was removed, but he would have to pick me up and throw me in the vehicle. One hand was on the door when warm fingers curled around my arm.

"Bria, will you look at me?"

A short, bitter laugh burst out of me. "Why? Tell me this changes anything?"

He grabbed my other arm and pushed me into the room, releasing me only for a second to flip on the light, then grabbing me again and forcing me to look him in the eye.

"I don't know."

Shrugging off his touch, I climbed on the bed, wincing as the ancient springs squealed in protest. "Then I don't want to waste my energy having this conversation."

"Fuck," he growled. "I'm just trying to be honest with you. The Synod will value your status among our people. Maybe it will buy us some time."

"That's sad."

"What do you mean?"

"That's all I've asked for from the beginning. Time. To figure this out. To come up with a better plan, but you wouldn't even consider the possibility. Now, you find out I'm one of you, and suddenly my life has value." The pillowcase was cold against my cheek when I laid down, my back facing Cian. I could feel his eyes boring into me. "I think you might need to face the truth."

Boards creaked as he stepped closer. His body heat passed through my blanket, and he wasn't even touching them. Every part of me yearned to turn around and seek comfort in him, and I knew with no doubt he wouldn't resist me. Not just because his body desired mine the same way I desired his, but because we were both broken people who wanted to forget for a moment.

"What truth is that, Bria?"

I held strong. Eyes closed, I replied, "Maybe you're no better than the gods who turned you into a monster."

He exhaled and stepped back, leaving me cold, and then he was gone without saying another word.