Belles pov
I wake up to the sun light shining on my face and the blare of my alarm. I groan and get out of bed. I sit at my dresser and begin to get ready.
After doing my hair and makeup I stand up and put on an outfit. I grab my bag and walk downstairs to see my dad still on the couch, his head now rolled back and leaning against the back of the couch. I sigh and walk out the door.
~
I eventually get to school and I see Jess and I smile. "Hey bitch" I smile and she laughs "hi bae". I turn my head and see Gustav and I wave him over, he comes over happily and the boys follow behind him.
"Hi guys" he says gently and I smile at him "hello" I say and look at everyone and we begin to walk. Me and Tom are left at the back and he look over at me and I laugh "what?" I say looking at him.
"You have my jacket" I instantly feel my face heat up. Fuck. "Shit, I'm sorry, I'll bring it tomorrow" i whisper, clearly now embarrassed. I see his expression change out the corner of my eye and I refuse to look in his direction.
"Oh, I didn't mean it like that."he blurts out "I-i mean, you can keep it" I look over at him and my heart seems to get lighter, I smile and the red pigment that covers my whole face turns into a pink blush across my cheeks. "Thank you" I smile and look back at my feet.
Walking with Tom makes me feel human; he makes me feel human. It's feels as if I've known him all my life.
~
After school Jess is going to her dad's house so she had to rush home. I slowly walk home; my heart begins to feel heavy again. That same feeling of my body closing in on its self - as if each step I take, a single heavy brick is placed on my back.
It's as though when I'm not at that house, i forget. I am aloud to forget. Because in my mind, momma is still at home cleaning and has already started making my favourite food. She's waiting for me to get home from school with a huge grin on her face; excited for me to update her on my new friends.
Dad is working and comes home with a new bouquet of flowers every day for momma.
But then I open the front door; and it's empty. Of course the furniture hasn't moved, or my dad since this morning. There's things inside the house but they're empty. Every day I open that front door and I am reminded that momma is gone and she is never coming back.
~
After an hour of staring out my window I can't take it any more. I can't stay in this fucking house. I look outside and see it is raining. I grab my phone, cigarettes and Tom's jacket he gave me.
I go to walk out the house, not bothering to tell my dad; it's not like he cares. But it seems as though today he does. "Isabelle, come here" I hear him grumble and my heart stops beating. I slowly walk into the living room and look at him.
"You're not going anywhere." He murmurs and rests his head back on the couch. I don't know why I feel so angry. But I do, I feel as though there are a million lighters under my feet, I feel as though my blood is boiling like bubbling, scorching water.
"Why do you care all of a sudden." I spit. I know I shouldn't give him attitude, he is sad and he has lost the love of his life. He is heartbroken and his heart probably feels heavy; but so does mine, and he doesn't take the time of day to ask how I am.
He stands up and looks directly at me. That's not my dad. I mean, it's his body but there's no way thats the man that raised me. The man that would play tig with me; the man who would let me do his makeup and dress him up like he was a princess.
"I'm going out, bye" I quickly walk to the door and close it behind me. My heart feels heavier than ever, like it's going to fall out my body; like the strings that keep it attached to my chest are about to snap.
My throat feels like it couldn't even fit a pin through it and my eyes feel heavy. I walk down the street and after a few minutes my phone buzzes against my hand. I run to a near by bus stop to shelter myself from the rain.
The heavy raindrops punch the bus stop and the wind whines. I open my phone and accept the call "hello?" I say loudly into my phone, covering my opposite ear with my hand.
"Belle, are you outside right now? It's storming" I recognise bills voice. "It's not that ba-" I am rudely interrupted by a violent scream of thunder. "I'll message you my address, I'm giving you 15 minutes to get here or I'm coming to get you myself"
He ends the call: leaving no room for arguments, "okay" I whisper to myself. Bills message comes through seconds later and I begin walking in the correct direction.
As I turn the corner and almost get to bills house, I realise. Not only am I going to have to explain why I would rather be in a dangerous storm over my own house; I'm also going to have to justify wearing bills brothers jacket after he gave it to me.
Fuck it, it's freezing.
I walk up to the front door and knock, the door quickly opens and bill pulls me inside. "Hi" I say softly; and he look at me as if he's mad. "What?" I say and he sighs.
"You can just go out in a storm like that, you could get hurt. You need to go home" my heart feels heavier than before. No, no. I won't go home. But I can't tell him that, or why, or what it even feels like to be in the place I am forced to call home.
I look down and feel tears prick my eyes. What the fuck are you doing belle? I just nod and walk back to the door. "Belle, I'm sorry. Come here" he whispers and pulls me into his arms; I know that just him hugging me gently is soaking his clothes. I wrap my arms around him tightly and let out a sob.
"I-I can't go there" I whisper into his chest. "Okay, okay, forget I said it. You can stay here tonight, just don't let my mom see you." I nod and bill leads me up the stairs.
~
(Tw: self-harm)
Bill hasn't asked. I don't know whether I want him too or not; I've known him for 2 days and I can't just open up to someone like that, but maybe I will if he asks. We have spoke for a few hours over silly things like gossip and boys that might be gay in our school.
I turn my face to look at bill since he hasn't spoke in a while and his eyes are closed. He's asleep. I sigh and slowly get up, walking out his room and toward the bathroom, I try to look for anything sharp; anything at all I could help get this horrible feeling out of me.
I spot a spare razor blade on the side of the bathtub. I grab it at press lightly on my wrist, a red line appears; I whine as feel tears roll down my cheeks. I instantly realise what I'm doing, bill has invited me in his house and I am self-harming in his bathroom. Fuck, I can hear someone.
I quickly put the blade in the trash and pull my sleeve down. I slowly open the door; ready for any sort of parent figure to conflict with me. But it isn't. It's more of a panicked whisper of my name. "Belle?"
I look up and my eyes are met with toms. I don't know whether I would rather be caught by Tom or bills mother. I try to walk past him but he grabs my arms to pull me back. I suck in a rapid, sharp breath of air through my teeth.
Shit. I look at Tom and see him turn my wrist over. "Oh belle.." I feel my face heat up red with embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry" I whisper and try to walk away but takes my shoulders and pushes me into his room instead of bills.
"Wait here."
Authors note
Hey, little depressing again, I promise the story will get happier eventually. If you ever need anyone to talk to, my messages are open.
