Richie's perspective
"It's you, dickhead."
As per usual, my words came out before I had any time to think about what the consequences could be.
I told Eddie I liked him.
There was no going back now, It was just a case of whether or not he felt the same.
My attempt at reading Eddie's expression proved unsuccessful, his face completely blank as he processed my previous words.
"You.. Like me? Like, like?"
Well, yeah, Eddie! Are you completely stupid?
Was what I wanted to say, but I refined my usual type of response and instead replied with the following;
"Yeah. I do, I really do!"
"But... We've only recently–" Eddie started, his words trailing off as he looked away from me.
A surge of panic washed over me. What if Eddie didn't like me back? What if I did, in fact, ruin our friendship? What would I do?
Well, it had already been said. There wasn't much more I could possibly complicate.
"This isn't fucking recent, Eddie! I've been in love with you since we were 12!"
Although terrifying, saying those words felt like an immense weight was being lifted off of my chest.
All was said and done now, what was to come was merely up to Eddie's feelings.
Eddie's face was blank, likely still processing my words. I was confused, to say the least, as to how on earth Eddie managed to pursue such a blank expression. If somebody ( particularly, him ) were to say that to me, I'd combust.
"Six years.... You've liked me for six years, and you didn't say anything?"
My nod was more than enthusiastic, every part of me hoping that Eddie would reciprocate my feelings.
We sat in silence for awhile, the fear in my gaze present as I made my best attempt at meeting his eyes. Even though he wouldn't look at me, I could sense the thoughts playing out in his head. It was understandable, how he was reacting. It was a lot to take in, after all.
I swallowed, my glasses starting to feel uncomfortably heavy on my nose bridge. We were so close, which was only making this situation twice as awkward.
"You know I couldn't, Eddie. As I said, it could've ruined everything." I paused for a moment, trying to soothe the desperation faltering into my voice. "And now, I'm afraid it has."
Eddie shook his head, eyes wide in what appeared to be disbelief.
"No, you didn't ruin– I..."
He didn't finish his sentence, speech trailing off yet again. Leaving me hanging like this was cruel, to say the least.
"You what? Just say something! I don't care if you hate me, all I need is the clarification!... Please."
"I don't hate you, I could never hate you, Richie. This is just a lot, okay?"
He didn't hate me, that was a start. All i needed to do was progress things from here.
"I thought you could already tell. Most of the losers guessed."
"Well, I've always known you were-" He started, clearly trying to backtrack. "Known you were... Like that? But I never-"
At this point, every sentence Eddie spoke was fading into a bundle of incoherent words. His voice was portraying a mix of confusion and uncertainty, focusing on the thick blankets spread between us.
"Well, yeah– but you have to tell me how you feel about that, Eddie. You can't just leave it like this. Don't you know how hard that was to say? I've been wanting to for years, years!"
My frustration was surfacing, desperately trying to get Eddie to give me some form of a reaction.
Eddie looked down at his hands, picking at his nails in a frantic action. "I don't know how to feel, Richie." He met my eyes again, untucking his legs from his chest and using another arm to stand himself up. "I don't want to hurt you– I just need time, okay?"
My gaze followed Eddie as he stood up from his position, worry surrounding my thoughts. Without giving me a chance to respond, the other boy stumbled over to the door, pausing to speak again.
He appeared to be deciding whether or not to pursue his next action, mouth opening and closing as if to speak. The other boy eventually did, guilt clouding his words. "I'm sorry, this really isn't your fault."
With that, he made his way out of the door, stopping to look back at me once more.
"Just– I'll see you later." Eddie winced.
Without any protest, I sat under the heavy blanket by myself, the weight of the previous occurrences still lingering. My brain wasn't fully consuming what had just happened. I told Eddie I liked him, and he didn't like me back.
Nothing would ever be the same between us, and it was all my fault.
The room was so awfully quiet, each sound that would interrupt the silence felt almost deafening.
The emotions flowing through my headspace were undescribeable, a mix of disbelief and regret. I couldn't go back now, all was said and done.
The sadness finally kicked in, drowning in the realisation that I'd probably lost Eddie forever as I moped on the couch, morphing into the cushions.
It needed to be said, either way, but his reaction had still left me speechless.
What was I to do now? The love of my life didn't like me back, and now he'd probably never talk to me again. There was no point in feeling sorry for myself, but that wouldn't stop me from doing exactly so.
*
I spent the rest of the evening pitying myself, basking in my own sorrow.
It was impossible to resist wondering if Eddie actually didn't like me back, seeing as nothing was confirmed. He never said he didn't, so there was still use in being optimistic.
*
Hey guys! Shorter chapter again, I'm just trying to get the chapter count up a bit before I finish things up.
I'm not happy with this but I've already redone it multiple times so there isn't really any point
Ily all sm <3
