Eddie's perspective
For the past few days, I'd been avoiding Richie. I could lie and say there was no true reason behind doing so, but there was.
I was making my best attempt at pretending that nothing had happened, although I knew that eventually I'd have to see him again. It wasn't as if I didn't like Richie, because I most definitely did. It just felt odd, picturing myself actually being in a relationship. Especially with Richie, of all people.
It's not like that wasn't what I wanted, it certainly was. Things were just hard for me to understand. I'd have to man up and face Richie, but for now, all I wanted to do was lounge about and pretend that nothing had ever happened.
*
It was late, I was situated on my couch, laying directly across from my mother. As I watched the television, she watched me. I tried to ignore her stare, but it was hard to focus on the movie ( which I wasn't really watching, anyway.) when all I could feel was the presence of her eyes on the side of my head.
I shifted uncomfortably, turning my body so I was staring back at her. "What? What's wrong?"
She slit her eyes, pursuing her stare for a few moments before eventually opening her mouth to reply. "Nothing's wrong. Can't I look at my own son?"
"Well, yeah. But just– Don't." I responded, a sheepish tone lingering in my voice.
"Why not? Is there something wrong, Eddie?" My mother asked, her frown barely masking the worry seeping it's way onto her face.
"No, I'm just.. I just want to watch the movie without being fucking examined!"
"You're worrying me, You're worrying your mother! Why would you worry your mother? I care about you, is there something you aren't telling me?" She panicked as she sat up slowly, the leather couch sqeaking at the uplift of weight.
"What– " I fumbled, unsure of what to say in response to her accusations. That was the thing about Sonia, she always knew when something was up.
Some might consider that a positive thing, but not when what 'was up' was the fact that my best friend had just confessed his longterm love towards me.
She waddled over to my spot on the couch, leaning over me with a distraught expression. "Eddie bear? Talk to me, please! Talk to me!"
I looked up at her nervously, sitting up into a more confident position and biting my cheek. "I can't tell you, you'll hate me."
"I could never hate my boy, never!" She worried, practically wailing at this stage.
"You promise?"
Sonia nodded, eyes widening.
I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was about to say. I needed to talk to someone about this, and seeing as Bill and Stan weren't exactly in love with me at the minute, she was my only option.
"I– Okay, I'm just confused, Ma."
"Confused? Why? Why are you confused?"
My mother's interrogating tone was not boosting my courage in this situation at all. If anything, it made it worse.
"About my feelings towards.." I paused. "Someone."
(To elaborate, my 'someone' was Richie. I'm sure that was quite obvious.)
"Feelings? What feelings? Do you feel upset? Sick?"
"No, I'm not sick! Feelings, like, having feelings towards someone."
Her face immediately scrunched up in disapproval, eyes no longer wide.
"These feelings, they–" I sniffed, tears staring to well in my eyes. "They're confusing me, Ma! I don't know what to do!"
The atmosphere in the room quickly changed from calm to chaotic, both of us frustrated for different reasons.
"Eddie...."
I didn't let the tears fall, clenching my teeth in an attempt to bottle up any excess emotion that didn't have to be displayed. "I know you don't think highly of this, but I'm 18, and it's not my fault I like him. I don't want to, I just can't help it!"
Before I knew what I was saying, she had already mustered a reaction.
"Him? HIM?" Sonia yelled, her voice screeching. "Are you a gay? I told you not to be hanging around with that Tozier boy, Eddie! I warned you about this!"
Finally, something must've clicked in that awfully small brain of hers, when she added
"It's him! You like the faggot boy!"
Newsflash, I was gay and in love with Richie Tozier! ( that didn't take her long enough )
"Yeah, Ma. I do! I've messed everything up." My voice cracked, too embarrassed to meet her in the eyes. She'd definitely hate me now.
Her anger was practically radiating, the room now unwillingly subjected to the horrifying expression held on her face.
I don't know what kind of reaction I was expecting, but the one I got didn't comply.
She took a deep breath, her eyes slim as she stood staring at me.
"..Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I couldn't! I knew you'd hate me."
"No– I don't hate you. I'm disappointed, that's all."
"Why? Why are you disappointed? I didn't do anything wrong?" I replied, my voice now faltering into a yell.
She grimaced, shaking her head and turning away. "You've lost my trust, Eddie."
What trust? There was none there, anyway.
The way she spoke to me hurt, but what she was saying was true.
I scowled, unwilling to put up with her attitude. If she was going to downgrade me because I liked the same gender instead of actually caring, then she could be that way.
*
For the third time in a considerably short time frame, I found myself storming out of a room after an argument.
Each of these arguments have been with every person I love, It was a reoccurring pattern.
First Bill and Stan, then Richie, and now my own mother.
I just needed to fix things.
*
Sorry for taking so long, school has been pretty intense and I haven't had much motivation.
FEEDBACK PLEASE GUYS AHHH (also don't be afraid to point out any mistakes, it's better getting them earlier on rather than having to republish a month later)
Also, question, would you prefer if I wrote shorter chapters and posted them sooner, or longer ones with extended gaps between posts?
