Forbidden Pages

Chapter 10: Living in the In-Between

Monday morning dawned with the golden light of autumn filtering through Emma's dorm window. She stretched, smiling to herself as the memory of Saturday night lingered in her mind. Every detail was vivid—the warmth of Ryland's hand in hers, his laughter, the quiet kiss beneath the glow of the city lights. It had been a night of freedom, one she didn't want to forget.

But reality soon settled in. Despite the thrill of their night together, Monday brought the same challenges. She couldn't let herself get lost in memories. As she dressed and prepared for class, she reminded herself that they were back in the world where they had to tread carefully, where the risks loomed large.

When she entered Ryland's class that afternoon, her heart raced. She took her usual seat near the window, watching him as he began the lecture, his voice steady and authoritative. It was strange, seeing him in the familiar role of Professor Monroe, the figure that her classmates saw him as—a teacher, nothing more. She had to remind herself not to stare, not to let her mind drift back to the weekend, to the side of him only she knew.

Ryland's eyes met hers briefly, a flicker of warmth passing between them before he continued with his lecture. It was such a small gesture, almost imperceptible to anyone else, but it was enough to make her feel that connection again, the thrill of their secret.

Halfway through the class, Ryland assigned a group project, pairing up students to analyze a collection of Romantic poetry. Emma ended up with a classmate named Daniel, a friendly literature major she'd seen around campus. He gave her an easygoing smile as they exchanged contact information, planning to meet up later to work on the project.

As the lecture wound down, Emma tried to keep her focus, even as she felt Ryland's presence in the room. She wanted to talk to him, even if only briefly, but she knew it was impossible. As the bell rang and students began to file out, she gathered her things, lingering for a moment, hoping for some subtle acknowledgment from him. But Ryland was busy, focused on talking to another student who had approached him with a question. She felt a pang of disappointment as she left the classroom, reminding herself that this was the reality they'd chosen.

That Evening

Emma met with Daniel in the library to begin their project. She was surprised to find that he was easy to talk to, his enthusiasm for literature matching her own. They dove into the project, discussing Byron's and Shelley's themes, comparing notes, and debating the best way to structure their presentation. For a while, Emma felt genuinely engaged, her mind fully occupied.

But as the night went on, she felt a subtle tension in the way Daniel's gaze lingered on her, the casual compliments he gave her work. She realized he might be interested in more than just poetry. She tried to ignore it, keeping the conversation focused on their project, but his interest was unmistakable.

Finally, as they wrapped up, Daniel offered her a warm smile. "I'm really glad we got paired up for this. It's not often you get to work with someone who's as passionate about this stuff as you are."

Emma returned his smile, grateful for the easy conversation. "Thanks, Daniel. It's been great working with you, too."

He hesitated for a moment, his smile turning a little shy. "I know this might be kind of sudden, but would you want to grab coffee sometime? Outside of... you know, class and all."

Emma's heart sank. She liked Daniel, but her mind was already somewhere else—on someone else. "I appreciate it, really," she said gently, trying not to hurt his feelings. "But I'm... I'm not really looking to date anyone right now."

Daniel nodded, looking a little disappointed but taking it in stride. "No worries. Still glad we're working together."

As they parted ways, Emma felt a mix of relief and frustration. She wished things could be simpler, that she could explain her real reasons. But she knew that was impossible. Her connection with Ryland wasn't something she could share with anyone, let alone a classmate.

Tuesday Afternoon

Emma finally got a chance to see Ryland after class. He'd slipped her a note—just a small folded piece of paper tucked into her notebook—asking her to meet him at their usual spot in the library that evening. The secrecy felt thrilling, even though a part of her wished they could have something as simple as a casual coffee date like other couples.

When she arrived at the library's quiet corner, Ryland was already there, leaning against a shelf with his arms crossed, a small smile playing on his lips as he saw her.

"Hey," she whispered, unable to hide the warmth in her voice.

"Hey," he replied, his voice soft, his gaze filled with the same warmth she'd seen over the weekend. He stepped closer, his hand reaching for hers, and for a moment, they simply stood there, savoring the closeness.

"How's the project going?" he asked, glancing down at their entwined hands.

Emma hesitated, remembering her encounter with Daniel. "It's... going well," she said slowly. "My partner, Daniel, he's really into the project. A bit... friendly."

Ryland's eyes narrowed slightly, and she could sense a hint of protectiveness in his expression. "Friendly how?"

She shrugged, giving him a small smile. "He asked me out for coffee. But I told him I wasn't interested."

Ryland's expression softened, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Good."

Emma laughed, squeezing his hand. "Is that jealousy I'm sensing?"

He chuckled, his thumb brushing lightly over her knuckles. "Maybe. Can you blame me?"

They shared a quiet laugh, but as the moment settled, Emma felt a familiar pang of frustration. "Ryland... I don't want to hide this forever. I know we agreed to keep things quiet, but... sometimes I just wish it could be simpler."

Ryland sighed, his gaze turning serious. "I know. I wish it were different, too. But we have to be careful, Emma. If anyone found out..."

She nodded, understanding the risks but wishing things could be different. "I just... I don't know how long I can keep pretending that nothing's going on."

He reached up, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, his gaze softening. "Emma, I care about you. More than I should, more than I ever expected to. But I also want you to have the best experience here, without the complications of—"

"Of us?" she finished, her voice barely a whisper.

He paused, his gaze holding hers. "Of us being a secret."

They stood in silence, the weight of his words settling between them. Emma knew he was right, that their situation was complicated and full of risks. But she also knew she wasn't ready to walk away, not when they'd come this far.

Ryland sighed, pulling her gently into his arms, their embrace warm and comforting in the quiet corner of the library. "We'll figure this out," he murmured. "Even if it's complicated. I'm not letting go of this—of us."

Emma felt a surge of relief, a quiet reassurance that she wasn't alone in this. They stood there, holding each other in the quiet sanctuary of the library, their connection stronger than any risk or rule. And for now, that was enough.

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Their connection is undeniable, but so are the challenges. Can they keep it together?