The Perfect Life - Dionysos' Challenge

1. Olympus

Chapter 1 – Olympus

A gentle breeze billowed the gossamer curtains that casually draped over the windows of the great palace. The throne room was filled, and everyone was enjoying the feast. Music floated through the hall as the Muses kept pace with the mood. Hestia directed each of the serving girls to deliver food to the gods and goddesses waiting patiently, enjoying small talk amongst themselves.

Zeus sat back and smiled at the gathering while Hebe kept his wine glass full. So far so good, he thought. I do hate it when these things turn ugly. Hera glanced towards her husband, seeing the look on his face. Listening to the conversations around her, she shook her head subtly. She knew better than Zeus that this was not going to end well. They never do.

While Ganymedes was asking Hera about her preference of drink, Dionysos sauntered into the grand room. Glass in hand, he smiled and bowed to the others lounging on pillows around the table. His bow ended up causing him to stumble slightly, nearly falling face first onto the marble floor, but thankfully, his cup remained full. Not a drop spilt. He laughed and took a sip.

"How are my favorite deities today?" he licked his lips as he sat down, quite pleased with himself.

Aphrodite looked at the short god and yawned, already bored with him. She looked over at Ares, clearly more concerned with him than anyone else. Hephaistos ignored the demi-god, continuing his conversation with Thanatos about the recent events in the Akhaian countryside without pause. He caressed Aglaiê's arm while she exchanged pleasantries with Polymnia. Thanatos laughed at something the god of fire said and shook his head.

Smoothing out his robe, Dionysos glanced around the room, looking each god and goddess over in turn. They think they are so much better than me. He took another drink from his endless glass and glanced towards Artemis, winking at her. Turning away, Artemis rolled her eyes and lightly touched Amphitrite on the arm, directing her attention to Euterpe as the muse began to chant a poem to the music of Terpsikhore. Both women sat in rapt awe of the muses who performed, falling prey to the harp's song and voice of heaven.

Only Poseidon deigned to answer Dionysos. "We seem quite well, don't you think? We have food, beautiful music provided by the Muses, and pleasant conversation so far." The god of the waters spread his arms wide. "Although, you seemed to have started the party hours ago without us." Poseidon then raised an eyebrow, awaiting an answer from the god of debauchery.

Hermes laughed, "Does that surprise you, Poseidon? He never waits for the rest of us. We must play catch up to him anytime Zeus invites us to Olympus for a feast."

Haides stared disdainfully at Dionysos, "Have you no self-respect or dignity, Dionysos? Could you, for once, come up sober and civilized?" Haides looked at his brother. "Zeus, how is it that you tolerate such behavior? I mean, why is he even allowed up here in the first place? Dionysos is a complete disgrace to all immortals with his antics, both here and on earth. Just look at the Thyiades!"

Dionysos looked at Haides and smirked. "A disgrace? How dare you call me a disgrace!" Slowly standing to his feet, he pointed a roving finger at Haides. "At least the women that surround me come to me by choice!"

The hall fell silent as everyone glanced at each other uncomfortably. Persephone looked up from her conversation with her mother, Demeter, and leveled her gaze at Dionysos. "What, you call drunken, brainwashed women, tripping over themselves trying to get to you, voluntary? If you ask me, their drive is as involuntary as my initial arrival into the realm of the underworld. Besides, how many of them stick around?"

She inclined her head towards the diminutive deity. "But please, continue to tell yourself those tales if it makes you sleep better at night."

Demeter sat erect, surrounded by not only her daughter, but her daughter's handmaids, Hekate, Tisiphone, Megaira, and Alekto. Her rigid stare made Dionysos retreat slightly as Tisiphone hissed at him, further causing the retreat to be visible. The four handmaids created a formidable wall before their queen, daring Dionysos to speak further.

Athena laughed aloud nervously. "Come now, Dionysos, won't you wait for us just once? Would it kill you to get riled with us and not before us?"

"I am not too veiled to see that you are changing the subject," he snapped at Athena. "I know you are in league with Haides, Athena. How else is he supplied with the residents of his pathetic dark domain? So, stay out this conversation, goddess of wisdom, before you get yourself into trouble."

Athena stared wide-eyed at Dionysos and several of the gods were heard stifling exclamations amongst themselves. A few rose from their place at the table, clearly affronted, and headed for the ornate doors. Dionysos glared at them all, enraged and looking for a fight. Ares stood and smiled at Aphrodite before frowning at Dionysos. "Why don't we take this somewhere else?"

"Oh, sit down, Ares," Athena quipped. "Everyone here knows that all you are doing is showing off. Zues knows that even if your immortality was in jeopardy, you would still go crying to Daddy if Dionysos actually tried to hurt you." The goddess smirked, chuckling at the facial expression that slowly covered Ares' face. "Nice try, though."

Dionysos stamped his foot on the marble floor, directing everyone's attention back on him. "I have been insulted. Therefore, I issue a challenge," Dionysos announced to all those seated in the hall. "I challenge Haides to pick out a human, one soon to be born, and grant him a happy life. Oh, god of darkness and the depths, do you think you can manage such a simplistic task?"

Dionysos took a long draught from his glass, and it filled slowly. He waved it in the air, dark red liquid sloshing onto the floor. "I will even say that if you win, I will go without my drink for a time period that you determine. But that is how much I doubt you will succeed."

Persephone stood and walked towards Haides. She stood behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Smiling, he looked up at her and then leveled his gaze at the court idiot and nodded. "Done, you imbecile. You have made this too easy."

Dionysos clucked his tongue. "Jumping to conclusions already got you into marital trouble. If I were you, I wouldn't be jumping to such conclusions anytime too soon. The human must have a lovely life and die happily. I can't imagine how you would accomplish that seeing that your marriage and life aren't exactly perfect."

Haides smoldered internally and Persephone's grip on his shoulder tightened. He placed a hand over hers in a rare public display of emotion. For several seconds, Dionysos had second thoughts but dismissed them. Hermes looked from the royal couple of the underworld to Dionysos.

He shook his head and leaned over to speak to Apollon and Artemis. "Dionysos must truly be more addled than usual to make them both so angry that he caused Haides to show some public display of affection."

The twins nodded in agreement. "I don't think Dionysos understands just what he has done," Apollon said quietly.

Haides shook his head slowly, eyes blazing at the jester. "Challenge accepted. Be prepared to go without your drink for a very long time."

"If I may?" Athena stood, swallowing. "A challenge has been issued, but what are the parameters? You can't just throw down the gauntlet and then, I don't know, begin without setting some boundaries."

Zeus leveled his gaze on Haides and Dionysos. If he knew his son at all, there would need to be rules. "I agree. Thank you, Athena, for bringing this to our attention. Since this is between my brother and my son, then it should remain between them. Haides, you will pick your soul, guide it, direct it, do all that you can to ensure the life it lives is to the fullest. But you will do all of that yourself."

Nodding, Haides acknowledged his brother's decree. He had no desire to pull anyone else into this farce that the stupid demi-god threw at him.

"Likewise, Dionysos, you are the one who seems to think my brother cannot create a suitable life for a human. If anything befalls this human that is outside your own doing, that will constitute cheating and the challenge is forfeit." Zeus leveled his gaze on the god of wine. "Is that clear?"

Dionysos inhaled deeply. Zeus wasn't the best observer, everyone knew that. If the demi-god needed help at any point, he would just need to be creative, that was all. "Of course, father. Perfectly clear."

The gods and goddesses present looked at each other uncomfortably. Very few of the gods had made their presence known on earth for an age. Though no one would admit it, each of them couldn't see a happily ever after to this challenge. The atmosphere quickly deflated as if Boreas himself had torn through the hall and taken all festiveness with him when he exited.