Maria's Troubling Confession

Prologue:

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My heart was racing as I texted my boyfriend. I had no idea if he would accept me for who I truly was.

He discovered who I was when we were friends in the beginning. He didn't seem to care and never seemed to have much of an opinion.

But things have changed since we started dating.

He began to form an opinion about who I was. Who I truly was. And his reaction?

It was unfavorable.

But I did my best to reassure my boyfriend that he didn't have to act like me or anything else. That I was the only one.

He appeared to be fine with it, and the topic was dropped. But it's reappearing now.

My gut feeling told me we should talk about it again because the first time we talked, he basically said he didn't care about who I was. He mentioned that he wishes it was a phase and that I would just realize I didn't like it after trying it.

It was painful. It's a lot to hear your own lover basically tell you, like your parents do, "It's just a phase" scenario.

However, it was far from the "phase stage." No, it was much more. I was figuring out who I was, and I wanted to tell my boyfriend. I wanted to make sure he was aware of what was going on because I felt I could communicate with him.

Of course, I had no idea how big of a mistake I was making at the time. I had no idea it would cause further damage to the already unstable and unhealthy relationship.

Future me sometimes wonders if it was my fault that the relationship ended the way it did? If it was all my fault for bringing it up? And would we still be together if I never did mention it in the first place?

There are so many questions, but not enough answers to be certain.

Maybe. Perhaps not. But either way, I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Because if I hadn't brought it up, the future me would have been even more hurt. By that point, she'd be too far in to possibly get out.

Anyway, back to the past, when I was waiting for a text from my boyfriend. I was waiting to see if he would respond and what his response would be.

I was wondering if he was going to truly accept me this time, or if what he said was just cover-ups in the hopes that I would just get over it.

I stared down at the screen, reading my text to myself over and over while waiting for his response.

"Can I ask a very serious question?"

I waited a few minutes before my phone chimed telling me that he responded with, "Yeah, what is it?"

I sat there for a moment, wondering if I should even be discussing this. That this could go wrong in some way.

But it's been killing me for weeks. The desire to know and the reassurance that he truly accepts me as I am. Or he simply lied a year ago about not caring about it and will still love me regardless of who I am.

I texted back slowly. "I know this is completely random, but would you still be with me for who I truly am?" Like truly, truly, or are you going to dump me?"

I sent the text and then turned off my phone as I sat in the darkness of my room. My phone chimed, and I was afraid to turn it over to open Instagram again to see what he replied.

My heart sank when I did. My eyes scanned the words over and over again. Tears welled up in my eyes as they ran down my cheeks. The message went something like this: "You aren't talking about you being that dumb furry bullshit again are you?