Do You Even Care? / STYLE SOUTHPARK

☆Chapter 10☆

...Stan's POV...

These last few days, everything has been shit. I can feel it getting really bad again. It's getting hard to do basic tasks and I'm rapidly piling up missing assignments. I haven't studied at all of my finals which are in under a week. And it feels like everyday that im thinking about my dad again. Oh and Kyle still hates me.

It's nearly time for the party so I get up off my bed to get ready. I grab a pair of baggy black jeans and a white tank top that I have always thought made me look good. I grab my normal brown jacket and put it on. I look in the mirror and mess with my hair a bit. Ok. Not bad. I mean I feel like I used to look better in this tank top but whatever.

I find my black Converse, put them on, and head out to my truck. While driving there I turn music up so loud that it hurts a little. I want to feel the vibrations of the music rather than the emptiness inside me. It's a good distraction, the road and the music.

When I get there I park about 200 feet down the road and walk to the door. The music is already blaring and I can see flashing lights from the windows. At this point I figure there is no point in knocking so I just walk right into the chaos.

I find a punch bowl that's almost certainly spiked. I take a tiny bit of it to try and notice it's definitely not strong enough to make me more than tipsy. I put some into a red solo cup for me and take a sip. I decide I'll get some real alcohol later.

I walk back into the crowded living room/makeshift dance floor. I've never felt so alone in a full room. Everyone seems to be having a good time and that what I wanted to do. I wanted to come here and relax and forget my feelings for a while but it isn't working. While I stand alone, I spot Kyle across the floor. Something about seeing him makes me curious if he feels as lonely as I do. I hope he does.

Suddenly, Kyle seems to feel my stare and we lock eyes. With undecided steps, I shove through the crowd towards Kyle, our eyes still locked. Suddenly he turns away and begins to walk away from me. I loose him in the crowd. Damn it.

Now I'm back to being alone, on the opposite side of the dance floor. I jump when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, Stan," Kenny wraps me in a half hug. "Good to see you, I was wondering if you'd be here," he grins.

"Oh, yeah. Good to see you too. You here with the group?" I ask.

He nods, "Kyle, Cartman, and Leo." I swear I see a brief moment of panic on his face but it washes away so quickly that I'm unsure. I take note of him referring to Butters as Leo, I guess they've gotten closer recently. "Spiked punch?"he asks.

"Yup," I reply and take another large sip. "I'm surprised you haven't some girl to bang upstairs yet," I chuckle.

"...yeah."

With the music still blasting, Butters wanders over and start chatting with Kenny. I don't have anything to add to the conversation so I see myself out onto the dance floor, might as well dance for a little while. Everywhere there are couples grinding, it reeks of sweaty teenagers, and they're playing god awful music in here but I try to enjoy myself regardless.

...

After chatting with some girls from a high school a town over, I wander upstairs. The blonde girl asked for her number, I told her I dont have a phone because I didn't want to deal with that. At the top of the dim stairway is Kyle, leaning against a wall and holding a can of coke. At first I freeze unsure what to say.

...Kyle's POV...

"I've been trying to find you," he tells me.

"Stan."

"Like seriously! I thought I looked every where," he speaks loudly so I can hear him over the music downstairs and the couples down the hall.

"Stan, go away, dude," I grumble.

"Just listen to me!" He angrily shouts back.

"I'm not doing this!" I hiss and start down the stairs. I hear foot steps thump behind me.

"Wait!" Stan shouts out to me as I open the front door, "Why won't you listen?!"

It's easier to hear him outside the house.

"You have to be hearing me! Why won't you listen to me?!" Stan yells at me.

I stop in my tracks, half way down the driveway. I turn to face him. "Why should I listen?" I ask with rage boiling in me silently. Stan looks absolutely dumbfounded. I squeeze the can that's still in my hand. "Really. Why should I?" I repeat.

"Kyle I—."

"You can't even show up to my birthday or to your friend's game night!" I shout at him, my free hand balling into a fist as tears start to form in my eyes. Tears of rage. "Do you know how much that hurt?! And you, you don't even seem sorry! Do you even care?"

"Do you even care?!" He shouts back at me. His eyebrows furrow and I see tears in his eyes too.

I feel something break in me. I spend all my time worrying about him. I spend all my time caring about him. Hell, I'm in love with him, though he doesn't know that. I don't understand how could he even ask that. I turn away as my anger dissolves into sadness because I know that I have nothing left to say. So I begin to walk away.

"Wait— Kyle!" He calls for me, voice softer, as if he might have actually realized what he just said.

I whip back around, and throw the half full coke can at his feet. He draws back, looking a bit afraid. I turn and continue away from him. I don't know where I'm going, Butters drove us here but I need to get away.