Gaia (A Hololive Fanfic)

Chapter 3

"When we marry, I swear you're going to really give me one of the corniest proposals ever. Just saying."

"You shouldn't study so much. You're gonna kill yourself before you attend another class late at night."

"I'm here, okay? You're not alone. I'm here. I love you, Eli."

"I can't wait to be Mrs. Rump. Why are you so happy to hear that, hm?"

Darkness.

Cold wind.

I was alive and stuck laid down on my bed, the numbness became stronger within each second that past the clock. Tick and tock, I could hear it from the living room but my movements were dead. I felt perpetually immovable against the mattress, my shivers tenfold as I was awake yet asleep at the same time. The pain was non-existent but it was there, dormant but awake. My surroundings were a blurry darkness, the world a criss-cross of shadows.

There was a freezing breeze that blew across my face. I could feel it glissade through the room like a hurricane; unending and full of inevitability. I was stuck in bed, unable to move a fraction of my body. My eyes struggle to open, as if someone had shut them tight. I knew I was awake but I couldn't move. Moments felt like hours and it seemed as if my static state wouldn't budge for change. The wind kept blowing and I was losing my mind, trying to figure out what was happening. Was there nothing left to do?

"Haa..." I breathed. I could breathe.

I found my strength coming back sooner than later, life brought back to my system. I sat up straight from bed. my fingers clawing the bedsheets, willing myself to break through that inevitability. Sweat raided my face, my arms had sleep marks on them. I gasped heavily, parched and popeyed. Must've been a temporary pressure from the fabrics.

"F**k..." I muttered to myself, lowering my head down as my elbows rest against thighs, calming my heartbeat and palming my face with both hands.

Sleep paralysis. Was this the third time this month? Four? Five? I couldn't count faithfully since they were sporadic. The only sounds in the room were my breathing. I hated this. I hated myself. I didn't like being alone here. But I was. I'm breathing harder and harder. I couldn't turn on the lights. They were off. I felt off. I was off. What was wrong with me?

My phone was out of reach, far from the bedside. I wanted to call someone. I couldn't.

I needed water.

I jumped out of bed, never minding the messiness of the room as I sprinted my way to the kitchen, grabbing a glass cup I didn't bother smashing to bits from one of my stupid episodes. I bumped into a wall with half of my body, my hair itched, my lips were dry. F**k the lights. F**k my footsteps. It didn't take long to meet the liquid of the water dispenser and let it commit to its purpose. Once the contents were filled up the brim, I chugged that thing non-stop. One cup, two cup, three cups. My eyes quickly darted to the wall. The time on the clock read 12:03am. I slept around 9pm.

My fingers shook at that as I knelt down to the floor, grasping whatever I could down there, closing my eyes as it hurt to keep them open. My heartbeats thudded louder in my head. I didn't know, it felt that way.

I couldn't sleep properly anymore.

I hate my life. I hate myself.

I wasn't fine.

I should throw that picture frame out of here.