My Best Mistake

Cloudy Winter In May

i wrote this when i thought things were simpler than they were.

You try to drink it away
You try to put one in the air
You try to smoke it away
But those feelings of yours are always still there

The love
The pain
That anger
Your hate
You can distance yourself all you want, the emotions are still within reach
And that pride you allow yourself to feel is sucking you dry like a leech

Feeling so much, yet saying nothing; zip
Just detached statements coming from your lips
You say you're no longer power-oriented
But when you're vulnerable, you feel as though power is relented
How does one comprehend it?

Maybe you're just hard-headed
I get why you don't do emotions, yes, power is released
But there is so much more power in that embrace, you see?
Knowing how to build, get stronger, and watch your weaknesses fade
But no, you'd rather self-sabotage and burn in the Hell you've made
Simple, yet complicated, that's what you are
And I'm just now learning, that I'm not here to heal your scars
I don't see the point if the instinct to a risk is to flee

And I don't mean to be selfish, but what about me?

You tell me I'm your bright light, your sunshine on your dark days
Yet you're already asking for a cloudy Winter in May
Which with you, was never new
No, but to this day I hope you know your feelings still rule you

Fragile mind, fragile spirit
I'm done saying it, 'cause you're not tryna hear it
Still unsure about how affected you are by my touch
Yet when I'm leaving, your pearls are clutched
You'll let it all go and it's a damn shame
That you'll have noone but yourself to blame
That anger, it boils up again
And then you decide, you don't need any friends

You think you're strong, but baby you are weak
And by not heeding my words, your future remains bleak
It's disappointing to see you stagnant
Holding on to a little fragment
Of your life that you will never see again
When you can rise and once again be your own friend

…

So this will be the last time,
I write these words and speak in rhyme
For someone who has seen brighter days,
But still prays for a cloudy Winter in May.

~ 💛

06.10.2020