My Best Mistake

since you've been gone

I've had seven distinct dreams since we stopped talking, and your appearance in countless others keep me from fronting.

I have not been able to stop thinking about you over the last four years.

Four.
Fucking.
Years.

I still can't tell if it's a good thing or bad
But i can't say I'm bothered.

I can feel you the same way i did at 14
I know when you're thinking about me
And even though (as far as i know) that there is no bad blood
I can't seem to find the gull to communicate this other than through writing

-

I wonder if you've once again started writing
and if they still call you Poe
what your pen now sounds like
when your pain speaks volumes, or
you've hit a new low

I wonder if it's okay that i even want to know.

I had a dream about you last night;
With a song my head I wake & wind up here
Reading your 5-6 year-old pieces,
still reveling in your presence, i fear
I kinda miss that satisfaction;
Your energy and knowing that you were near
I may not be able to say this over text or mail
But please know that this message is sincere

I kinda miss your amplified laugh
I kinda miss the way that you sweat
I kinda miss how i lit up your day
And when it was substantial you'd tell the internet

I hope you heard me when I told you I love you
Because despite what I've said in the past,
that much is true
And no matter how much I want to deny these constant thoughts,
I guess i kinda miss you