My Best Mistake

"Things Are So Different Now"

When I look this picture from three years ago. I look at myself, and then I look at you. And I take everything into account. The street involvement, our ages, our relationship status, and mental states. I take a minute to realize that I no longer recognize the girl in that picture, but I do recognize that boy. He’s the undeveloped version of you. And the boy I fell in love with at 14 years old.

He’s everything I probably should have stayed away from. He was childish and dangerous; wild and unhappy. He was a street kid, like my father was. But he was intelligent, with an energy I couldn’t stay away from — irresistible, one could say. He was protective, yet guarded. Clever and powerful. I had to be on his good side.

He was you.

And now look at you. You’re responsible; you’re open. Caring of yourself — bonding with more and more people. Still that street kid at heart, deep down inside, where that passion and aggression comes from. You have this form of ambition and it looks great on you. I will tell you: this is the best you vibe has ever felt and it’ll only get better from here on out.

That girl I saw is a ways from who I am now. I can see she was never actually sure about what she was getting herself into. And she was smarter than that, but chose him instead. She was immature; self-centered. Introverted, but loving. Headstrong as hell — but an intelligence had to come with that. We all have our growth, though.

I am proud to say that I am more open and free-spirited than that little girl could ever be at that time. I am more rational, yet more emotional than her. I do modern dance now. I take my grace and embrace it through all of that strife, until one day it is no longer strife. I am happy in this life, in this body — and I will come to love this young woman I’m becoming even more. 

Even then, that girl and that boy was a unit. And power maximized when they were around each other.

Now this team is undeniable; stronger.

But we were always stronger together.

~ things are so different now…

09.09.2019

~ ...and yet, i still can’t resist your energy

11.10.2024