Love after marriage - dramione

Crying does sometimes help

Hermione PoV:
I have no other way to try and explain my actions to myself apart from telling myself I am human and will feel attraction.
But I swear I want to rip out his tongue while he walks away from me in the library, leaving me in the corner.
I feel so embarrassed , what if my past self could see me right now. God I could imagine her yelling at me how shameful I was. I now had charms as the last lesson of the day and as I walked to class I made sure not to pass him.
By merlin he was cruel, the same death eater he always was just one that can kiss really good. OMG I what am I thinking, I realised I must've been blushing as Ginny leaned over asking if I was a bit unwell or warm.
I want to die in my own shame and then in the same time I want him to suffer. He was foolish thinking by kissing me I would long for his touch, what an idiot. I could kiss a snake if I wanted to but didn't mean I would do it again, now in this case that snake is called Draco Malfoy.
I heard the door open as he came in and I felt myself freeze. Why could this asshole just go somewhere else why here? Ugh.
"Not going to look at me? That embarrassed that you're such a shitty kisser." Ok that godamn stung because that was my first ever kiss.
I made it the fuck up that I kissed Victor Krum and he had allowed me to keep up the lie as he was so dear and sweet. And guess what my dunbass had said it aloud after many years of keeping my lie a truth.
"It was my first kiss you dick!" I got up feeling pissed off as ever, I had my first kiss with my enemy the person who is partly responsible for my parents death. Merlin am I fucking stupid for kissing him I must be!
"Grange-" I brushed past him before he could say something else and I walked off to go find Cormac for tutoring he like teach me some kissing skills as well if he was so disappointed. I just need a friend right now but they all also have their own problems, what makes mine any different?

It's now like 10 pm and I think I might commit my first murder. Cormac just won't shut up about this new broomstick that his parents bought for his birthday and how he's now the best quidditch player ever. Ugh Merlin curse me.
I need a drink that's all I can think while I watch Cormac mouth move and no sound of his processes through my brain. I mean I don't drink often but honestly right now is the time for some wine.
I drank wine many times before and god it makes me drunk but it doesn't have a sting to it and I can sip it instead of just drinking it all at once.
But I didn't do that after Cormac left no I went out into the school grounds and sat at the black lake watching the dark water. In all honesty I feel sorry for myself, I know it won't get me anywhere but trust me a good cry sometimes does help. So I let the tears run down my checks watching as they dropped into the water, I traced the incomplete word on my arms and just breathed.
I felt incapable of doing anything else but just trying to do one thing by staying alive, breathing.

Draco PoV:
I know it sounds stupid but I did clean her desk and fluffed up her pillow so she could come back and feel happier. As cruel as I was I did feel bad for being mean about the kiss.
She was never uptight about public affection just embarrassed she had never experienced any type of romantic affection, it made kind've sense.
I waited for her to come it was well past 11 as I waited in our bed but she hadn't arrived yet, I mean I'm not worried or anything, why would I be? She can defend herself if need be she's a lot stronger that most for sure.
I climbed out of bed putting on my shoes and walked out the room with my pjs on the white cotton shirt was thin and the checkered green and black trousers provided no warmth as I walked into the library. I looked around but still in no sight.
Looking  around the whole school I went outside to the black lake, god I could use the marauder's map right now (sorry about spelling 😭).
I saw a figure sitting at the black lake and as I approached closer there she sat her knees tucked up to her chin and her arms wrapped around her. She never looked up at me but she knew I was there when she spoke as I sat down.
"Why are you here?" Her voice was a croak barely a whisper and the moonlight shone on her face. The rims of her eyes were red, her nose was also red in the corners from wiping and her cheeks were shimmering with tears. Her hair was in her face the curls falling onto her shoulders everywhere but it made her even more prettier.
"To apologise." The words had come out in their own , I hadn't planned to but it seems that what my subconscious had wanted. She shook her head and looked back into the water. "I'm sorry Hermione, it was cruel and I'm sorry I did get annoyed that you were tutoring McLaggen for no apparent reason so it was dumb. I'm so sorry." I could feel my heavy breathing and her soft breathing.
"Never knew you were capable of apologising, Malfoy." She turned to face me and another tear fell but she quickly swiped it away. She looked tired not in an unattractive way but as is she was fed up with life, no longer wanted to live it.
"Draco. Hermione you'll soon be a Malfoy so Draco, please." Her eyes glimmered at me the only alive thing in her face right now and I wanted to make her feel happy. It was a quick feeling but I did, I don't know why but I wanted to hug her or kiss her just to give some joy to her face.
So I did. I leaned in but she had stopped me, my heart felt like it had been dropped of a ten million story building, It felt familiar, felt like..... disappointment, rejection.
"No Draco, not today, not ever again ." She looked more pitiful than angry and that made me irritated.
"I said I was sorry, what more did you need." That's what everyone had done to me my whole life, a sorry fixed everything. When my father hit me a sorry worked, when my mother never came to my defence a sorry healed everything but how come when I did it  for once in my life it didn't.
"That's not how you fix a relationship-" I cut her off and got up. I wasn't listening to this bullshit, no I was annoyed and angry and just... sad. Such a simple three letter word but it described how I felt.
"Come back I won't be there."