Set Fire To The Rain **EDITING**

I Still Love You

A/N Guess whose back ma girls? Yeah, I know that it's aaaaagggggeeeesssssss between the uploads but I'm busy! And my school blocks Wattpad abd because I board there, I never get to upload anymore :( BUT I WILL TRY TO UPLOAD MY STORIES MORE OFTEN, EVEN THROUGH EVERY SINGLE ONE IS ON HOLD AT THE MOMENT BECAUSE OF MY WRITERS. Dat shit cray. Anyway, you probably all skip this bit but to those who do... I LOVE YOU MA LITTLE CUPCAKES. I'll stop typing now, luff you all!!

*mwah, mwah* 

Lucy xoxoxoxo

CHAPTER 18 – I Still Love You

**ALANA’S POV**

“How did it go?” Kate asks me softly by the door to our apartment as I shovel chocolate ice-cream, still in its light blue tub, into my mouth. I swallow my food as my red eyes sadly flicker up to my cousin, her own worried brown eyes staring into mine. I bite another onslaught of tears by staring deeply into the tub, afraid that if I look into her sympathetic gaze, I’d lose it… again.

“How do you think it went Kate, if I’m sitting here, alone, eating ice-cream while watching a soppy, romantic movie?” I reply back, hating how numb my voice sounds.

“That bad, eh?” she sighs and flops onto the worn, leather couch beside me as Noah kisses Allie in the pouring rain. I look at her, eyebrows raised, but my mind was travelling back to the moment where I lost it all.

Eleanor understood the crying girl, nearly screaming as the pain of a broken-heart swept across her body. Danielle understood the tears for what they really were. But the rest of the band looked on as a girl they hardly knew fell to pieces in the middle of a crowded airport.

“Don’t cry, he’s an idiot” Eleanor says softly, stroking the long, blonde strands of my hair back from my tear-stained face. All her kind words did was make me cry harder, remembering the fight in high-definition.

“Alana…” Danielle trails off as the words get lodged in her throat, her warm brown eyes staring at my shaking figure. My hand clutches at the place where my heart would be, as if to rip it out. To stop the wracking pain that has taken over my mind.

“I love him” I choke out past the tears, my hand tightening around my chest at my words, the truest that have ever spilled out of my mouth. They both gasp at my terrible confession, as if somehow this burdened them as well or at least confirming what they had previously thought. “I love him” I whisper into my hand, now covering my mouth, trying to hold back the agony from the bottom of my soul that is wrenching its way out into the universe.

I love him.

“It was horrible” I croak out, still watching the Notebook with such intensity that Kate turns to me in surprise. Or it could have been my words. Who knows? I don’t know anything at all now, there’s just a blackness when my fake laughter went.

There’s nothing.

I hear the soft sound of rusty metal springs rubbing against each other as Kate lifts herself off of the old, cracked leather couch. I let her go. My eyes flutter close, only to snap up a second later as her weight makes the sofa dip slightly towards the ground.

“Here” she says gently, nudging a long-stemmed glass of wine into my numb hands. I look at her, my eyes lacking the curiosity they once would have had. Any emotion I once had has been replaced with heart-break.

“What’s the celebration now?” I ask her emotionlessly, my voice once again, scratchy with unused tears. She smiles sadly and pours herself a generous amount of alcohol into her own large glass.

“There is no celebration, this is to help you to forget, even for a night about him” she tells me softly, then tilting her own glass towards the ceiling, draining the blood red liquid. A ghost of a smile flickers at the edges of my lips as I stare at the drink, willing myself to believe that this will erase the pain. Hope of a night without crushing memories won against my disdain of alcohol. My trembling fingers wrap around the crystal delicately then they tilt the glass, making the fiery liquid pour into my mouth. The burning feeling almost repels the grief that has become a part of me.

But still, dark green eyes dance across my now slightly hazy vision. A crooked smile seems to reflect in the clear glass of the window beside me. His slow, calming words play their beautiful tune inside my head.

Something clicks in my drowsy mind as I stare at the crimson droplets against the would-be clear glass. I turn my head slightly to face her worried expression, my own mind made-up.

“Kate, these drinks won’t make me forget him, I’ll never forget him, no matter what” I tell her, my voice now scratchy with the burning sensation that the wine has left instead of tears. “I suppose this is because I still love him”

**HARRY’S POV**

“Come on Haz, these drinks will help you forget her” Louis says gently, placing a shot glass filled to the brim with the clear liquid that is unmistakably vodka in front of me. I look at him, my heart breaking into yet another piece as I remember the pain behind those dark blue eyes that still haunt the best of my dreams and the darkest thoughts.

My shaking fingers obsessively trace the deep scars in the wood left by previous customers facing the same dilemma as I am. I left her, alone and crying. Eleanor nearly slapped me as I placed a cold mask of indifference across my expression as she told me how Alana fell to pieces. But behind the mask, my heart tightened as I imagined her tears. The tears that I created.

I should have been happy that she was crying. I should have been happy that she felt the same pain I felt all those years ago. I should be happy that she is begging me for my forgiveness.

But I’m not.

“Fine” I reply shortly and make my hands twitch towards the glass, ignoring the annoying beeping sound from my phone that signifies a text from my girlfriend. At the thought of Sophia, my fingers curl around the shot forcing myself to believe that maybe if I drink enough, I can forget her and finally love her that same way as I love Alana.

I tilt the glass backwards aggressively, feeling the familiar burning sensation race down the soft tissue of my throat, the pain nearly dragging my thoughts away from her. I face Louis with streaming eyes, a small smile flickering that edges of my mouth as a haze settles over my mind.

“Let’s get drunk”

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“Harry!” Louis yells as my drunken laugh escapes alcohol covered lips. I sag limply against the nearest brick wall. The beer bottle slips through my shaking fingers, landing on the cold, grey pavement below accompanied by a soft tinkling sound as it explodes underneath my feet. I’ve been walking around town, shouting that same name over and over again, as if praying that she will miraculously answer my cry.

“You lied to me! I won’t forget her Lou” I chortle loudly, grabbing his shoulders, staring deeply into his light blue eyes, “even if I drink out the whole pub!” I shout my last sentence, as if daring the whole world to disagree. I let go of him then stumble forward drunkenly, nearly tripping over a small stone in the cement.

“Why Harry? You have Sophia” Louis replies softly, peeling my trembling hands away from the ugly, red brick walls that surround the two of us. I laugh again, but this time, it is filled with sadness and a little pain.

“Isn’t it obvious enough? It’s because I still love her Lou”