Attack on Titan X Male reader

The Weight of Absence

A/n this is a flashback I'm planning to make every 8 chapters a flashback

The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm orange hue over the training grounds as Mikasa crouched behind a cluster of trees. The distant sounds of laughter and shouts from her fellow recruits filled the air, but to her, they felt like echoes from another world. Today, the vibrant atmosphere only deepened the sense of isolation that had taken root in her heart over the past few weeks.

Y/n had pulled away from them, distancing themselves from not only her but also Eren and Armin. Mikasa felt a pang of pain each time she spotted Y/n in the training yard, immersed in drills alone or off to the side, avoiding the camaraderie they once shared. The more he withdrew, the more a sense of desperation gnawed at her.

Mikasa thought back to when Y/n had first joined their group. Their laughter and lighthearted banter had brought warmth into her life. They had shared countless moments, training side by side, pushing each other to improve, and fostering a friendship that felt unbreakable. But the sudden shift in Y/n's behavior shattered that illusion. It felt like a wound that refused to heal.

As the day wore on, she watched Eren and Armin try to reach out to Y/n, their concern evident. Eren's frustration was palpable, while Armin approached the situation with his typical gentleness, but their efforts were met with indifference. Y/n would simply walk away, his expression resolute and distant. Mikasa couldn't shake the feeling that she was losing someone she cared about deeply, and it terrified her.

The memory of their last conversation lingered in her mind. Mikasa had noticed the tension in Y/n’s posture, the way they averted their gaze whenever she tried to engage. It felt like they were a million miles away, even when they were right in front of her. She had tried to keep her feelings hidden, but they bubbled beneath the surface, threatening to spill over.

Mikasa took a deep breath, steeling herself against the swell of emotions. She had always been strong, a protector of those she loved, but this was different. The sadness she felt was suffocating. She remembered a time not too long ago when Y/n had offered her encouragement during a particularly tough training session. Their words had ignited something inside her—a warmth that made her heart race, a sense of belonging.

But now, that warmth felt like a distant memory. The thought of Y/n’s absence clawed at her, and her heart ached with a mix of longing and frustration. Why was he pushing them away? Did he not understand how much they cared? Did he not see how much she wanted to support him?

Mikasa pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. She remembered the countless nights she had spent thinking about Y/n, the way he would smile when he completed a difficult maneuver or how he would joke around with Armin. Those memories were like threads of light in her mind, illuminating the darkness that surrounded her.

Yet, even as she felt the pull of her feelings for him, she couldn’t shake the overwhelming fear of rejection. What if Y/n didn’t feel the same way? What if he was happy being alone? The thought of confessing her feelings terrified her, and the fear kept her from reaching out. It felt safer to hide behind her walls than to risk the pain of losing him completely.

“Why won’t you just talk to him?” she whispered to herself, a mix of frustration and sorrow lacing her voice. “Why can’t I just tell him how I feel?”

The memories flooded back, illuminating her loneliness. There was the day they had trained under the watchful eye of their instructor, where Y/n had helped her perfect a difficult move. “Just focus on your breathing, Mikasa,” Y/n had said, his voice steady and encouraging. “You can do this.”

She had executed the maneuver flawlessly, adrenaline surging through her veins as she felt the rush of success. The joy in Y/n’s eyes had ignited a spark in her heart. They had shared a moment, a fleeting connection that had made her heart race. It was in those little interactions that she had begun to realize her feelings were more than just friendship.