THE LOST DOG ' s. black

[18] the fallout

  I NEVER thought silence could feel so… heavy. But here we were, weeks after Christmas, moving around each other in Grimmauld Place like two strangers bound by an unspoken truce. Our words, when spoken, were minimal, carefully crafted to avoid igniting whatever still simmered beneath the surface.

I’d told myself that keeping Sirius at a distance was the right thing to do. I’d convinced myself that pushing him away would protect him, give him a chance to focus on his fight instead of… us. But as the days wore on, I felt that resolve slipping. His cold glances, the hollow sound of his laughter echoing through the hallways—everything about him was becoming a reminder of what we had, and what I had chosen to let go.

Tonight, the house was quieter than usual. Most of the Order members had gone, leaving only a few of us to hold down the fort. I’d taken up a spot in the library, sorting through a pile of old maps that needed reorganizing. I was so focused on my task that I almost didn’t hear him enter.

“Thought you’d be in bed by now,” Sirius said, his voice breaking the silence like a pebble tossed into still water. He leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, the dim light casting shadows across his face.

“I could say the same,” I replied coolly, not looking up. “But then again, I don’t pretend to know your habits these days.”

A flicker of irritation crossed his face, but he quickly masked it. “You make it sound like I’m a stranger,” he said, stepping into the room. I kept my eyes on the maps in front of me, my fingers tracing the edges as if they held the answers to questions I wasn’t willing to ask.

“Don’t take it personally,” I murmured, forcing myself to stay calm. “I’m just… keeping myself occupied.”

“Occupied,” he repeated, a hint of sarcasm slipping through. “You’ve done a good job of that lately. Avoiding me seems to be your new specialty.”

I looked up, finally meeting his gaze. There was a challenge in his eyes, one I’d seen before, but this time it felt sharper, more personal. “Sirius, what do you want?”

For a moment, he said nothing. His jaw tightened, his hands clenched by his sides as if he was holding back more than words. “I want to know why,” he said quietly. “Why did you… shut me out?”

A painful pause filled the space between us, heavy with words unsaid. I closed my eyes, gathering the pieces of my composure before I dared respond.

“It’s better this way,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “You have enough to worry about without me making things more… complicated.”

“Complicated?” he repeated, his voice rising. “So that’s what we were, is it? Just another complication?”

“Sirius…” I warned, feeling the heat rise in my chest, a flare of anger I couldn’t quite suppress. “You’re not listening. I did this to protect you.”

“Protect me?” His laugh was hollow, cold. “From what, exactly? From caring about someone in the middle of this mess? From having one damn thing that makes all of this worth it?”

My throat tightened, but I forced myself to hold his gaze. “From losing focus. From putting yourself at risk because of… feelings.”

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t get it, do you? There’s nothing here worth saving if we have to keep killing every part of ourselves just to survive.”

I looked away, unable to bear the intensity in his eyes. “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve always thrived on chaos.”

“And you haven’t?” he shot back, stepping closer. “Eloise, I know you. You’re as reckless as I am—you just hide it better. So don’t stand there and pretend this is all about protecting me.”