We Were Never Meant to Be

Finding Out

Chapter 4 - Adrian POV

I didn't have the energy to show up to school today, my emotions were overwhelming me, a sort of existential crisis. Every bone in my body was exhausted from yesterday's events. I could no longer deceive myself and my friends and keep hiding the truth from my best friends.

I couldn't stop fighting these new feelings I had been experiencing. I hadn't realized that all these years I have never been attracted to a girl and maybe it's because all this time, I had been attracted to my own gender and yesterday's party had confirmed it all.

Flashback to yesterday's Party

I don't know whose soul possessed me that I decided to ditch studying to accompany Dia to a party thrown by Ryder from Rowan's group.

Ella as usual wasn't ready to come as she had to study. I really admire her self-control. She has been working extra-hard lately to keep up with all her classes and extracurriculars. On the other hand, I needed a distraction to prevent me from going insane.

As we entered Ryder's mansion of a house, I immediately started regretting my decision. It was your usual rager filled with teenagers gliding against each other, the house reeked of alcohol and weed, the loud music filling my ears.

Dia shouted to me, her voice barely audible over the loud music, " I will go find Ryder, you enjoy yourself to some drinks and I will meet you at 11 because I have a curfew and we have school tomorrow."

I was right, Dia and Ryder did have something going on and if Ella would start dating Luc, then maybe I would have to eat lunch alone I thought. For some reason, the thought of it made me laugh. Two of my feminist best friends, falling for the typical bad boys they said they would be staying away from.

I was sitting all alone on the couch waiting till this party would be over so that I could finally go home and start writing some poetry.

I am not the most social person, being a guy who likes writing and music, and since i was never never into sports, I couldn't really fit in with the guys of my class but thankfully I have a few amazing friends who share similar interests with mine and don't agree with the clowns of my class who think I am not masculine enough.

Suddenly the lights were turned off. Everything around me turned pitch black, the music stopped too. A power cut in this town? As I walked hastily from the couch in confusion, someone shouted in the crowd.

" It's not a power cut, we are going to be playing 7 minutes in heaven, so walk towards someone right now and grab them tight."

I was walking through the crowd in hopes of finding the entrance when someone grabbed me by my waist. I tried to push past the person but the person kept their hold tight on me.

A deep masculine voice whispered in my ear, "Shh, don't go please, I really need a distraction right now, I just set up my two best friends today and had the realization that I am in love with the girl who I set my best friend with" he said his tone laced with pain.

I knew this voice and I knew who these 'two best friends were', before I could say anything, someone screamed, "Let the game begin" and Rowan's mouth was on mine.

Rowan started kissing me, nudging me to kiss him back. I was frozen with shock, I don't think he realized it was me.

He was kissing me slowly and softly yet it felt like he had a desperate need to feel something. I slowly warmed up to him, snaking my arms around his neck and pressing my body closer to him. I kissed him back, opening my mouth to give him entrance and our tongues started exploring each other, searching for an unknown destination. He quickened his pace, kissing me with urgency and slowly moved to plant soft kisses across my neck till someone shouted "Game Over" and the lights were turned on the next second.

The moment he realized it was me, his face became pale and ghost-like, his face filled with shock.

I stood there with my heart beating frantically inside my chest like it was about to come out. I had just kissed Ella's best friend who is also in love with her.

After a moment of awkward silence, Rowan decided to speak. " I am so sorry Adrian, dude I didn't know it was you but now you know two things about me, one that I am bisexual and other that I have a crush on your best friend Ella. This was a big mistake and I am sure you think the same too, it meant nothing and I hope you don't tell anyone about my crush on her."

I saw my heart shattering in front of me. It's not like I didn't see this coming, but the fact he refused to acknowledge that we kissed made me feel like a pathetic loser.

Concealing my emotions I replied, " Yeah man, no problem, but its really fucked though isn't it? Because Ella likes Lucian and you like her, when did you realize you liked her?"

"Just tonight. I was speaking to Lucian about talking to Ella and the way he spoke about her made my blood boil and I oddly felt jealous of someone who is like my brother you know? Thought of coming to this party to chill a little, but I kept having flashbacks of her and the time we spent together and I realized that I am in love with her and I really don't know what to do." he said.

I could feel the emotion in his tone. He is genuinely in love with her. This kiss was really getting into my head.

Pushing aside other thoughts, I replied to him, "Then maybe you should let her know, I am more than hundred percent sure that Lucian is going to break Ella's heart, I have seen him in school, he doesn't really date but I can't tell it to her face seeing how much she is into him, you can definitely try telling her after she stops talking to him which will be pretty soon I reckon, I don't see him sticking to one girl for more than a week."

He replied with a sigh, "See that's the thing, I love her and so I want the best for her and my brother Luc, I don't know if he is going to treat her right but if he doesn't give her what she deserves, I won't let him take another chance."

"Yeah, I think you should give it some time and see what the future holds for the both of you."

Smiling at me, he replied, "Thank you Adrian, you really helped me clear out my emotions, Ella is lucky to have a friend like you. I am going to head out right now and I hope you will keep our kiss a secret".

After Rowan left, I finally let the weight of my actions sink in. He is the person who took my first kiss and it felt so real, so emotional like we needed each other and that's when it hit me, I realized that I am gay, I already knew it but I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

That kiss also made me realize that I was starting to fall for Rowan, because it made me feel things I had never felt, it made me feel alive, it made me feel wanted, it made me feel loved.

I was sitting on the couch waiting for Dia, still thinking about our kiss. I couldn't be with him because he liked my best friend and I wouldn't be the one to take away their happiness.

"Hey, busy dreaming? It's almost eleven, let's go", said Dia, appearing out of nowhere.

"Finally, you're here while I was busy rotting on this couch, Did you and Ryder kiss? Don't tell me you both don't have something going on, I can see the way you blush every time I say his name." I replied with a smirk.

Dia replied blushing profusely, "Shut up, there is nothing between us, now tell me why do you look so flushed, did you kiss someone today?."

Though I wanted nothing more than to come out to my best friend and tell her about what happened today and my realization, I knew I couldn't, I would have to hide it till the situation gets better, at least for Rowan who is in love with Ella. If I would tell Dia then she would no wonder spill it to Ella and her being an angel would never give him a chance knowing what happened between us.

"I am flushed clearly because it's hot in here and I want nothing more in this world than to go home and write some poetry."

"Sometimes I forget what a huge nerd you are." she replied giving me her keys to drive her home.

And with that the party ended but it's memories never left because it was the party where I lost my first kiss and perhaps also the party where I lost the first guy I had started to fall in love with.