Shut Your Eyes, Shut Your Mouth

5. Huge Difference.

I spent almost every vacation at my aunt's house when I was younger. My mom often sent me to visit her half-sister, who lived a few hours away by train, in a small village not far from the city. Last week, after returning from there, my mom casually mentioned that I should visit Aunt Alice too since she would be moving soon due to family circumstances... but that didn't really matter right now.

As a child, I didn't particularly enjoy going to my aunt's. Her village seemed endlessly boring to me: there was hardly anything to do. Plus, she constantly made me run small errands, like preparing breakfast for her beloved cat, which would invariably scratch my hands. But this time, my aunt was my only salvation. The only option. Yes, it might have been foolish to leave knowing I couldn't stay long and would have to come back home anyway. But I wanted to escape, hide, and tell no one anything. To run away from everything that had happened to me, even if just for a while.

"I thought you were only thinking about yourself!" my mom lamented as she helped me pack my bag that evening. "Aunt Alice is just so happy; you know how hard it is for her right now..."

"Yeah..." I just nodded, not taking my eyes off my things.

Arguing with my mom was pointless. She didn't see that by skipping college, I was only harming myself; she firmly believed that I should be able to handle everything at once: school, family... and maybe even get married and move away from her.

My dad saw me off to the train. He hugged me tightly, promising to talk to my mom and make sure I would be home as soon as possible, preferably by the next weekend. He was trying to "save" me, knowing how hard these trips were for me, even though this time I was saving myself.

As he walked away, tears welled in my eyes—I wanted so badly to tell him everything, without hiding anything. But I wasn't sure it would be the right decision, especially after his words:

"Incredible, but Matthew's father managed to negotiate with my boss. I'm finally getting a vacation, can you believe it? I thought I'd never see the day."

Dad was so happy... Did I have the right to ruin everyone's lives just because I got caught up in a story that I might be exaggerating? I'd leave now—and maybe Matthew would forget me right away. He certainly wouldn't be preoccupied with me. There are plenty of girls like me, and he'd probably get tired of waiting quickly and invite someone else into his "friends."

With these thoughts, I stared out the window, waiting for my stop.

***

Aunt Alice didn't meet me at the station. I walked from the station to her house myself. It didn't take long, but my bag was quite heavy. I had brought my laptop and a couple of books with me for the week to keep up with my studies. When I reached the two-story building that tilted slightly, where my aunt's apartment was, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Out of breath, I thought it was probably my mom checking to see how I got there. So I answered the call without looking, holding the phone to my ear:

"Hello?" I breathed, dropping my bag on the wet grass. Fatigue consumed all my attention.

"Why weren't you at school today?" a familiar voice rang evenly.

It was Matthew. My heart raced, and I instinctively started looking around. But there was no one nearby, just a woman with a stroller sitting on the playground in front of the house.

"Hi." That was all I could manage to say, still unsure how to respond to his question.

"Well?"

Matthew, as always, didn't care about my greetings; he was only interested in what seemed important to him. I didn't know how to lie, and, desperately recalling familiar excuses, I quickly said: