Sins of the Faithful

2 || One exchange, lots of feelings

[Lyle's POV]
I froze, unable to move. Why? Just move! But I can't. I just can't.
His lips were barely pressing against mine, just a light quick touch.
What's happening? Why am I not pulling back?
Finally, I mange to take a step back. My wide and almost teary eyes stare directly at him. Him who kissed me! That's wrong.. so wrong..
Ivan had a dirty smirk on his face, as he did nothing wrong! How? How could he smile at me after he did that? What is wrong with him?!

"I- I don't understand" I stammered, trying not to sound too nervous. "Why did you do... that?"

The boy in front of me only shrugged his shoulders, still smirking stupidly. "I just thought it would be fun, funny how you would react" Ivan leaned back, crossing his arms. "You're overreacting, nothing bad happened, did it?"
I couldn't believe my ears. Of cause it was bad! Very bad! Sinful even!
"What are you talking about? It's.. it's very bad!"
I notice how my hands start to shake.

[Ivan's POV]
I smirked, this was better than expected. His wide, fearful eyes, almost crying. But I wonder why he didn't pulled away immediately?
Oh his hands start to shake.
"Really?~" I start teasing him again. Tilting my head to the side.
"If it's sooo bad, why are you still here talking to me? Why not run off and tell the nuns or... I dunno, go wash your mouth or something?"
I chuckle at the end, I enjoy the reaction I could get out of him.
Lyle's face flushed even deeper, cute.
"I... I should tell them" he stutters more to himself than to me. Though he sounds so hesitant. What's going on inside of him? I wish I knew.

[Lyle's POV]
I should tell them, someone. But telling someone I admit I been kissed- and I didn't even pull away. I would admit I did a sin!
I push those thoughts away.
"They need to know what you're like" I add, my voice less certain.
But as I look up again I just saw him rolling his eyes. "Yeah, go ahead. Tell them the big, bad Ivan kissed you. I probably get extra chores and a talk with the priest. No big deal."
I couldn't even replay so shocked I was. I bite my lip, I feel trapped.
How could he talk so calmly and casual about that? About breaking rules, pushing boundaries and literally sinning!

I feel like I'd just let a black stain seep into my soul.

"What's wrong?" His voice snap me out of my thoughts. Everything was wrong!
"You are not scared of me, are you?" He add with this smile again.
"Of course not" I mumbled quickly, but my voice sounded edgy even to me. A part of me just wanted to turn around and go, go far away from him and shake of this strange hold over me.
But for whatever reason I didn't move, again.

"You act like they already gotten to you" he spoke up again but this time a little bit more serious but a hint pity was in there too.
"Like they filled your head with all those rules and now you can't tell what you really want from what they told you what you want" he said with a 'tsk tsk' at the end and an almost disappointed look on his face.

"That's not true" I snapped, wanted to sound confident. To prove him that I knew exactly who I was and what I believed. Though is word s gnawed at me, like a splinter I couldn't pull out.

Ivan's voice drop lower, more serious.
"Are you sure about that? I bet you never really thought about it, Lyle. What you actually want, not what your parents, nuns or priests say you should want. And that's okay- no one ever lets you think for yourself in places like this."

It surprised me, my breath came to a half for a split second. How could he say that? How could he just dismiss everything that matters to me? However, I couldn't help but wonder at the same time; what was it I desired?
"What.. what are you trying to do?" I managed to say though my voice was just above a whisper.
"Why do you care what I think?" This time my voice was a little bit more stable.

He leaned back, arms folded, wearing that effortlessly laid-back grin.
"Maybe all I want is for you to have a little fun, to loosen up. You're incredibly serious about everything. You're here, in the same boring school as me, probably for months. Don't you think it would be better to do some... fun so the time here goes faster?"
"I don't think you're allowed to call it 'fun' when it's wrong" I retorted, my words sharper than before.
"Sin's aren't supposed to be fun" I look at him with seriousness in my eyes but he just chuckles again. How he dare.

He shrugged his shoulders and lean forward. "Who says? The nuns? Perhaps your parents? Has they ever even told you why something is a sin? Or did they just scared you into obedience?"
The question left me speechless. He made it sound like I was just following orders. Like I hadn't thought about my beliefs, my values, like I didn't even knew myself. I did thought about. But still some part of me was worried he might be right. Though I couldn't agree with him- not with attitude, his smirk and carelessness about literally everything.

"I'm not like you" I replied quietly, but I wasn't even sure who I try to convince; him or myself.
"I don't want to be like you" I add.
"Mhm~" he just smiled, not a kind smile.

My chest felt tight. I hate how he not seems to be bothered at all.
"I have to go" I finally muttered, but even as I said it, I didn't move. Part of me wanted to see what he'd say, what else he tries to convince me that I am wrong. But he? He just looks at me, almost a stare? A glare?
"Go head" he said after a few quiet seconds. It was somewhat mocking.
"Run off, if that what you really want. Go back to them and pretend you never even spoke to me."

I took a step back, then I turned around and head to the door. I know that by the evening at the latest we would back in this- in our room.
It's scares me, really.

Heyyy! So this chapter is sooo much better than the last one (in my opinion). I know it's much talking but it was important! I hope I get a bit more action in the next chapters.
Anyway this chapter was around 1100 words long! Much better than the last.
See ya soon!