TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Graphic Descriptions of Violence
Song: I Deserve To Bleed by Sushi Soucy
I get home after my first day of high school. Time is irrelevant, as always, as it seems to have become a major part of my life somehow. I walk to my bedroom, and collapse on my bed, and look up at the plain, white ceiling.
Left alone with my thoughts.
Again.
I look at my hands. How easy it would be to just take a knife and mutilate them until you wouldn't even know I ever had hands. The thought of having a chance to escape this cruel world, my cruel past, and my cruel mind just- excites me. Makes some part of me feel....free? I can almost imagine it.
Grabbing a knife that was sharp enough to do the job, and slicing open my right hand, cutting through the muscles in my palm, watching myself bleed, hoping that it will be enough to take me down to hell where i belong for the thousands upon thousand times i have sinned, the fiery abyss below maybe, just maybe, being able to burn away the horrible memories that i have accumulated over the last decade and a bit.
Why can't i just leave already?
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AGORAPHOBIC
FantasyAgoraphobia- noun Agoraphobia is an extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving one's home, or of being in places from which escape is difficult. Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder.
