Disgrace

Chapter 2: Secret Spot

Katrina

Ever since I received that phone call from Ate Di, informing me that our dear father had passed away, I was already preparing myself that she would hate me. On my flight here, I thought I was mentally prepared to deal with it. Boy, was I wrong, because here I am driving a rental tan and black C8 Corvette as tears run down my cheek.

Now, was this a smart financial decision? Absolutely not. I could've gotten myself a 2020 Toyota Corolla but I wouldn't feel a little better like right now as I sped through the coastal roads of Umatac. I have been going around the island ever since I left the post-funeral gathering just trying to escape my feelings, like I always do. Ate Di was right, I have always been good at running from things I don't want to feel until I am forced to do so.

My heart hurts with that decade old pain mixing with new sorrows. Now that the night falls everything is starting to hit me.

My sister and I's broken relationship. That goddåmn house. My father's death. Everything.

I removed my right hand from the steering wheel to wipe my tears away. The chilly evening wind fanning my face and blowing my hair away as I pass by the buildings here in Tumon. I had to slow down as the streets were filled with tourists and locals just strolling at night.

I kept on driving slowly until I took myself at the back of Hotel Nikko. The crunch of the rocks against the wheels filled my ears as I stopped and parked the car just before the sand. I took off my heels and carried them as I walked through the trees, slowly, the noise of the cars and the people dissipating, and then it all vanished and was replaced by the soft sound of saltwater hitting the sand as I descended the wooden stairs.

Fresh salt air filled my lungs as I closed my eyes and inhaled nature. My feet kept moving until I reached the farther side of the beach. Guam is a very small island, and so it is rare to find a place where there are no tourists. I was lucky to grow up here and find this small piece of heaven where there are not many people. Locals like us call this the Gun beach.

This was my secret spot when I needed to escape as a schoolgirl and now as an adult. I sighed heavily and let my heels drop on the sand. I gathered as much air as I needed before I screamed, "FUUUUCKK!"

I felt my own tears roll down my cheeks as my throat hurt.

My behind hit the soft sand as I weakly sat down.

That was therapeutic.

I looked up at the bright moon before my gaze wandered back to the water.

"I bet you never expected that I'll become something good someday, huh?" I said to the darkness. "You know what, dåmn you for dying and for not apologizing for what you did to me, to Ate Di, and to mom. I fúcking hate you and I hate that no matter what you've done, I still mourn for the man—for the father that I knew when you were not drinking."

*.*.*.*.*.*

"Yep, it's me again," I said to the same gas station cashier who I bought the alcohol from this morning. He eyed the big, vodka bottles on the counter. "Yep, I want the strong stuff now. Please and thank you." I smiled at him.

I did not drink and drive. Well, the small bottles that I bought and drank didn't hit me. I guess one good thing about being a heavy drinker is that your tolerance is high as fúck, because I drove myself back to the hotel building and carried my bag full of alcohol to my room. That night, I ordered shîtton of room service and got hammered.

The next moment I was opening my eyes, I could hear the blaring sound of my phone ringing from the bedside table.

I cussed as I clutched the duvet to my chest—yep, I sleep naked, with my títties out. I grabbed my phone and quickly answered the call when I saw that it was Theo.